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Thursday, June 26, 2003

dog days of summer for the wizznutzz. its hard to sleep with a police scanner on. the weather is purposeful and brooding and hangs about like Ike Austin at a wild world wave pool. We have lost most of our offseason interns to more attractive summer jobs at rthe Charles Oakley carwash.

the draft is tonight.
But first, check out T-NESand Kid Rock!!!!
Then crawl inside the turgid mind of tyrone lue:

My grandpa told me that you are not a real man until you get a Mercedes Benz and a pair of gator shoes, and I accomplished both of those

And that my friends is the problem with this franchise in a nutshell. The team is stocked with players who have accomplished there gator shoes. They are no longer desirous, curious and probing. They are wearing gator shoes in the eazy life. Sure mybe id feel different if I had gator shoes of my own but i think the reaosn patrcik ewing types of the old days were so vigilant about raising there game is because he never got his baked beans, but only the dream of the beans. Boy how he dreamt of those beans, and even if they never come, he wont complain, he will just look at his life honestly and say: "My names Patrick. DO you have beans for us to share?"
You know what im saying, i dont need to spell it out.

But so who will the wizards draft this year, and what will there dreams be?
It unsettles us all to read the phrase:

Wizards' Brain Trust Ponders Draft Options

Especially since t2 members of this braintrust are soon toi be fired friends of micahel jordan, and the other, Air Brimley Wes UNseld is about to slip on a pair of orthapedic gator shoes and crawl into the sunset, satisfied witha craeer as a Master Sargeant for the leaky USS YESMAN.

I hear that Jerry West wants Michael Pietrus, the real LeBron, Le LeBron. Just take him then. even though jerry is probably grifting the ever gulliublke Wes.

Knowing the wizards we will draft Michael Sweetney, who will be ok i think, and instantly our biggest paint player, and Steve Blake, cause they were on TV alot. And i mean steve blake in the FIRST round mind you.
Getting a pert young chaser like Steve Blake would also sooth Jahidi White and make him more comfortablke with losing his job to M Sweets.

The wizznutzz dont dare make predictions but here are the players we stringly advise the wizards braintrust NOT to pass on if they are available:

Kirk Heinrich, TJ Ford, and maybe the guy Maciej Lampe cause people say hes good, especially those that have seen him.

But this draft has Jarvis Hayes written all over it, because in wes unsleds cloudy braintrust, th name "Jarvis" sure does sound like "Pervis" doesnt it?

Gosh, alot on the line for the wizards. BRuss kindly has turned in his togs, and 1.5 million. Micahel Jordsan is already hated in Miluakee, but lets hope Salieri is successful in hius ways because he will let us take Ernie Grunfeld of his hands for a compensation package of Bobby SImmons and a dicorced white woman from Takoma Park.

I think our draft apparoahch should be two-pronged.
First round, trade Jared Jeffrieds and Stackhouse to Toronto and with the 4th pick , take the sleeper Big Man Peter Mayhew.
Thsi guy is out of this world athletic and tall, and will bring a whole new costumed fan base to the games.
With our second pick, we take Luke Walton, who they call MISTER INTANGIBLES. and we make MR INTANGIBLES President of Basketball Operations, and a braintrust unto hisself. That way Bill Walton, mister MANDIBLES and MIXED METAPHORS will lay superlatives all over the place likle

WALTON: Buckhantz, if im not mistaken, T Lue now has 3 assists.,.This must be one of the greatest performanbces ever by a basketball player anywhere in the world. A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit


One can but dream of such a place, safe, with Kwame there under crown and with his salad dressing in a row.

ANyway, Im off, i cant bear the tension. Im gonna skip the draft and go see the new Jason Robards disney film "Mr Intangibles Returns"

James - 7:05 PM




The Wizznutzz experts commentaries on the 2002-03 season. Updated frequently!!!