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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

 
wie gefällt Ihnen Apfel !!!!!

Head on over to the New and imprioved WIZZNUTZZ site!
Designed by germans!

HERE IT IS!@!!!



James - 7:19 PM


Friday, October 24, 2003

 
I hope u enjoyed those Shamgoddities!

heres a few more quick links and a heartfelt message.

Go Juwan Howard !!

And the Toronto Star has a PENTRATING piece on the change in the wizards since Herr Salieri left on his fiery mule.
My favorite parts is when they talk about Michael Jordan rubbing kwame brown raw!!!!, and aslo how the "dark murals" have been removed from outside the locker room. Those dark murals were not just paintings my friends!!!

Preseason is coming to an end, and every credable sports annual and web site projects the wizards last ir near to it in the eastern conference.

The Oregonian aka "The Rashy Lady" newspaper braintrust suggests Gilbert Arenas is the worst free agent signing and that Kwame should put up or shut up!!!

Well, come back next week and see what we know that they dont when we give our informed incites and predictions for the season that bears down upon us like Jahidi on a naked and frightened Shia Laboeff!!!!!!!!!

The wizznutzz will be preapring for the season by slipping on our game-worn Greg Ballard shorts we got in bulk on ebay, crowding around a circuit city widescreen TV this saturday at 12 noon,. with a hot plate of Ken Beatrice Memorial Pom Noisettes and letting our imaginations seize us, watching the ESPN Classics rerun of the 1992 Bullets/Bulls game featuring Harvey Grant and AJ "Albert" English battling Micahel Jordan 10 years before his poisonous Salierous mission to DC!!!

James - 6:15 PM

 
GOD SIGHTED.
JAHIDI bleeds garlic sauce from eyes!

Preseason GOD SHAMGOD Updates!

As reported lasy year on wizznutzz.com, "The Shamgod" has become one of street balls most desirous maneuvers!!
Check it out here and here

And read the touching story about the white florida teen who calls himself "PALE RYDA" and uses the Shamgod to elicit comparisons to a young Clint Eastwood!

CHeck out the young musical group that goes by the name Shamgod to spread their "intellipoprock" message of faith and social aimlessness!!!

Read the beautiful poem God/SHamgod!!:

"HE'S AN INFAMOUS MARQUIS REJECT - BABY, BABY - A TYPE OF CUT IN GERM WEIGHT - BABY, BABY - DOROTHY'S DOG CONVERSES SUNDAY - SWEATING OUT PLASM - CUTS, HIS KENNEDY GODDESS OF WISDOM LIFELESS - LIKE A HE-MAN (GIST) "
So true!!!!! Thank the world for poets, and their oral traditions.
Poetry is tranquillity recollected in emotion, but TELL THAT TO THE ITALIAN FUTURISTS!!!!!!!!!

But we saved the best for last.
Last year we introduced you to a lovely creature that was rescued from the Abe Piollin InVitro Farm. You can see how he has flourished now that he can live his normal life, and not as a chromosomal whore for the cruel eugenic ways. See how shiny he is: CALBERT CHEANEY!!!

Well Calbert is about to have a new friend!!!

MEET SHAMGOD!!!!! aka "Black Limousine", long and black and shiny!!!
To call him deep-flanked, thick topped and scrotal maybe true but no words can describe the aroused-for-a-price majesty of this Gods creature!!!

Together these animals will find new fulfilling life on the Jarvis Hayes farm!


Yeah God Shamgod! If you let him, God Shamgod will change your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James - 5:56 PM


Wednesday, October 22, 2003

 
AP scoops Steve Wyche, for first interview with ABE POLLIN since asking Salieri to leave the circle of friendship!!

Its an OK piece. The best bit is when Abe says:

``I had made my decision ... and that was it,'' Pollin said. ``I felt by sticking to my decision, I would have less embarrassment for him because if I had made him lay out some of his plans that he had maybe in mind that he was going to do for the team, and then I would say, 'I'm not accepting them,' I thought I would hurt him worse. So I tried to be as gentle as I could with Michael because I have great respect for him.''

COnrad Bain was gentle to Todd Bridges, even if it meant hiding his rock pipe!!!

WHAT WE SAID THEN!!!!

James - 6:58 PM

 
Jerry Takes A Shiv

CLEVELAND, Oct. 22 -- Washington Wizards leading scorer Jerry Stackhouse came out of right knee surgery Tuesday with a less cluttered joint and an undetermined timetable as to when he'll be back on the court.
(read more...)

Jerry, if you wanted an "uncluttered joint", i know a DOCTOR WALLACE who is always taking new patients!!!!!!
Baldpatch Adams!!! :
Patients beware...laughter is contagious!


James - 6:47 PM

 
Happy 29th Brithday Jeff McInnis!! Wow how the years have flown by. It seems like just yesterday I was cheering your double pumping playground ways.
A special birthday card from all of us as wizznbutzz.com, especially the new guy from Finland: he picked the artwork because he thought it would remind you of growing up black in america!!

James - 3:35 PM


Tuesday, October 21, 2003

 
OUR GOD IS STRONGER THAN THEIR GOD!!!!:



I myself elected today to exercise my option to touch myself expressivley and with purpose at the magnificent thought of Kwames rippling and furtive body continuing to matyure into manhood before my eyes!!!!!

James - 6:50 PM

 
Jerry STACK goes under the knife in New York today.
FLame retardant lifemate GWiz at his side, along with friends Howie Mandell and Ruth Ginsberg.
Wizznutzz sources uncovered the following from J STACKS medical file::







Doctors report that Jerry Has "Internal Derrangement"!!!!
Salieri's poison is strong!

Former bullet Rod STrickland knows your PAIN JSTack.
Lets go back in a wizznutzz time capsule to Friday, January 10, 2003:

A Cardinal SIn!! Good thing we have lorenzos oil in medical cabinet for one magic healing when the roster opens up a spot like a pair of lanced buttocks. Get well soon ROD. We obtained theis secret medical file from Rods procedure to clear him of infectious contusions to the buttocks at Mount Sabrett Hospital:




WHy is there a file of Chico DeBarge in there?
Rodrodrod dont get involved in the cycle of abuse. I can see the symptoms, of you severe stress reactions (vomit, anxiety, etc.), Social isolation, powerless and contuous HOPE! and severelky bruised buttocks.
Break cycle with Slef esteeM, or like GWiz, wear padded suit at all times to hide your shame and meat.




More Chondromalacia aka LADYS-KNEE respources:
here and here

Doctors all seem to agree that the best thing for jerrys future is to spend time in pools and other non weightbearing activities like rolling about on a pink bed in his pajamas reading teenbeat!!! I have seen the future Jerry and hisn najme is WES!!

But the future is also JARVIS HAYES!!!!!

James - 6:44 PM


Monday, October 20, 2003

 
Touching words from Captain Mitchell Butler!!!

BET head Robert Johnson took a few minutes out of his networks wall-to-wall KOBE coverage to hire his old friend and our old coach Bernie Butterstaffs!!!

AND I QUOTE!!!!
The 58-year Bickerstaff previously led turnarounds in Washington, Denver and Seattle.

"He has always been a type of person who has moved teams who are in worse shape, and improved them dramatically in a few years' time," Bobcats vice president Ed Tapscott said.


ED TAPSCOTT also said that he succesfully underwent a procedure last year to DRAMTICALLY extend the length of his penis from 3 to 3.5 inches!!!

The season nears! The wizznutzz redesign is just aboutready to insert itself inot the forgiving yet pliant folds of the world wide internet !!!!

Jerry Stackhouse skipped too much as a boy and now has shot his knee. Surgery tomorrow to evaluate extent of damage and the cause of mysterious vinyl-burn on inner calfs!!!!

WE FEAR J STACK will not play 40 games this year! Maybe never!!!
Womans hips beget womens knees STACK!!
Look at historys long line of strictly ballroom nancy-waists: Albert Belle, Lorenzo Williams, Bo jackson... sure they were lite on their feet but gravity always finds a way to extort a price!!!
Now you can spend more time doing whats most important to you: cashing abe pollins paychecks and giving it the poor, and also to the rich, and prancing like a nimble penguin on your feminine pelvis!!

James - 7:11 PM


Wednesday, October 15, 2003

 



AWESOME NILS LOFGREN INTERVIEW ON THE ORIGINS OF AWESOME "BULLETS FEVER" SONG:

AS: What made you write a song - "Bullet Fever'' - for the Washington Bullets?

NL: Back in '79, when the Bullets were making a run for the title they won, they were the last seed. Their first game, they beat Philly in overtime, and I was so inspired, I wrote this song at night at my rental home in Maryland. Went the next day and recorded it. I played all the...

CLick here for the rest~!!!

HEY Abe Pollin. A QUESTION FOR YOU:
we were so inspired the the Bullets, we made a circa 1993 Geocities Fansite.
We made Muresan heads Move!
We made A GarbOt 2000 out of former Sudanese military hardware and a boiled ham!
We get drunk in a rental house, for 8 days!
Where are our 4 years of season tickets!!!!!
Why are you only generous to Nils Lofgren and hundreds of young poor black sons that you "adopted" off the playground and thorugh your limosine doors?

Nils Lofgren Online!

James - 6:49 PM

 
Welcom YURGI! We love the Russian people. Your empire had some good ideas, like dogs in space and short life expectancy. It didnt work out, but now you casn join with us!!!!
Like this man SANGEET. It is YOU that will get Zapped Sangeet! 3 animated gifs and alot of zzzz's is a good start but the world moves fast and forward, and sleeping Sangeet catches no fish. As Comorade Lorenzo Williams famously found in a fortune cookie: Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

Jimmy Oliver defeats HEMOFARM!!!! Hemophobe Oliver scores league high 31!!!


James - 6:36 PM


Monday, October 13, 2003

 
Well Basketball sure has become an International sport, and is great to see that reflected in our interns, who we should all embrace so that they feel like one of us except foreign.
And so that leads me to a major incite about basketballs most physically and otherwsie ambitous internatrional characters:

Incite About Basketballs Most Physically and Otherwsie Ambitous International Characters


It was sad to note the passing into death of Bill Shoemaker , the 4'11 jockey who died yesterday doing what he loved: sleeping.
But the silver lining is that a great man is waiting in the wings to fit into the place that he once occupied, even if this great man has to fold himslef in half like a trapper keeper to occupy that space.


THE RUNNING OF THE BOLS


Manute Bol has announced that he will become a licensed jockey with the Indiana Horse Racing Commission to raise money for his war fondeled homeland of Sudan!!!!
This is such great news on aso many levels.

Level 1
It is a great story because Mantue Bol is an overcomer of odds and people love underdogs riding on horses.
Just look at Seabiscuit. Seabiscuit is a national treasure, but he will be put out to pasture by themlegend that Manute will prove.
Seabisacuit, say hello to ......."CHOCOLATE BISCOTTI"

You are never to far behind or to come back Chocolate Biscotti!!

And Manute can train on the Jarvis Hayes farm!!!!

Jarvis Hayes farm is the training home to many of the Michael Jordan Mules,
who may lack for speed and strength but msake up for it in naked obedience and fear.

I am sure that manute will be succesful in his new venture, if he brings even half the qualities to it that made him so beloved with the Washington Bullets:----- his big heart, and his comically misproportioned body!


Level 2

The sadder level.
Manute Bol has done everything a man can to help his war battered homeland.

He opened a cheaply furnished African restaurant and nightclub in the Adams Morgan area of Washington DC.

He fought the Refrigerator on national TV.

He placed his delicated frame on slippery ice.

And now hes going to saddle up for peace.

This pattern makes me worried. First of all I worry for Manutes delicate body, of course.
But mostly I worry for his self esteem.

As we have said before, Manute Bol is like the Sudan’s Muhammad Ali, but without the strength or integrity.

This is niot just our opinion.

Even his old friend Jim Lynam thinks so, as you can see in his amazon.com review of Manute: The Center of Two Worlds

I think that maybe Manute Bol is also the Sudanese Bob Geldof, but without the wealthy friends or integrity.
Because really, how much money could Manute have raised by selling a few hunbdred extra minor league hockey tickets? Sure, maybe he could buy the Sudanese Liberation Army a used Nissan Sentra, with Vanity "SDN RLZ" plates even, but if the US gave them 20 million dollars for non-lethal purposes, what difference do you feel you can make with your minstrell pleas?

Is is worth your self respect. It seems not. Are you a self-hating sudanese manute? We love you, and dont like to see you making an act out of yourself, unless you are doing so to win basketball games for us.
Even though it is funny in many mays to see you use your grotesquely distended limbs for antics usually reserved for regaulr sized people, it is also not funny after a while. Maybe this isnt about the sudan at all but about how you feel you need yto disprespect yourself to make others laugh, to be accepted. Maybe Manute was the kid in school who took 50 cents each from kids in the cafeteira to put a block of warm phily cream cheese down the front of his pants.

But anyway, this is still a happy moment i think for us all.
The CHOCOLOATE BISCOTTI can do what he sets his heart out to,
especially since the Racing Press and The Indiana Horse Racing Commission are DESIROUS to have a Mal-erected Dinkan jockey succeed!!!!

James - 7:22 PM


Sunday, October 12, 2003

 
Hi everyone, it's Christopher. It's exciting times around here at the WizzNutzz offices. We have a lot of interns coming in this fall. Yes, Dana and Ken promise to chime in now and then, but frankly we're not sure where they're at---mentally or physically (although I understand Ken still has less than 2% body fat). You've already met Jarkko Ruutu, our Finnish intern (he's enthusiastic, but you'll see, he knows ball) and you'll soon meet our Romanian intern, Yurgi Arginzoniz, a master of ball handling and insights into this great sport of basketball. Even though white people are ruining basketball for everyone, basketball is an international game, and the WizzNutzz have the international covered. We love to ruin it for everyone too.

CP - 10:31 PM


Wednesday, October 08, 2003

 
So the Wiz looked pretty fleet of foot last night, with one glaring exception!!!:
The disgracefully thickset rookie Jarvis Hayes! jarvis is huge; hes has a ponderous profile, he's a STOUT BITCH!!!

WHile the Wizards were out there Getting the W, Jarvis was Gettin The Butter!!!!!

Dont believe me?
If the restless trail of garlic sauce and onions that he dragged behind him on the court wasnt ebnough to convince you, others have taken notice of our fat friend.

How did it come to be JAM-JARV?
The rookie himself, blames a fast food addiction, but I suspect thats not the full story.

I suspect one fo the follwing two things may be happening.

ONE
That Jarvis walked into the locker room during summer workouts and got one traumatic look at what a hulking and clearly naked Jahidi White was doing to poor little Steve Blake and decided on the spot that the Chubb, and NOT the Chaser, lifestyle was the one for him. It just became a question of whether Jarvis could gain enough weight before veterans reported and the intimate showers would begin.

TWO
Jarvis is Spending way too muich time pursuing his off-court passion: thats right, his very own working Beef and SHeep FARM!!!
Any good porkmonger knows, Jarvis, You dont get high on your own supply!

DInt you see that Movie "Babe"? Where the farmer says to Babe "That'll Do Pig". That'll Do" If your pigs could talk, your pigs would tell you the same advice, but pigs DONT TALK my portly friend. Except for that pig that Abe Pollin created in his In Vitro farm, but that a different kind of farm and all that pig would say was "Sweat Release" over and over as he nudged his head up against the bolt gun with all his frankenstine strength.

If any good comes out of this Jarvis it will be that you learn to take your conditioning seriously. And also the good that your mom will now have an easier time telling you apart from your twin brother Jonas.
On draft night your Mom said she only knew you apart because Jonas was the "better kisser", but now she can proudly identify you as the fat one that bought her a house!

James - 7:31 PM


Tuesday, October 07, 2003

 
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME BASKETBALL???!!

Oh what a night! The Wizards debut their new up-tempo offense vs Magic Lamp and the Knicks and right off the bat you could tell this is gonna be an improvement over last years "Even Gait Offense".
Thhheeeeeeeee......WIZARDS WIN!
Kwame steals from Sweetney! Kwame Blows layup! LAMPe fouls Kwame again! Kwame blows free throws!
O-Town, LBoogie, JStack all stepped it up. Even Urinetown, aka Mitchell Butler was back in his familiar form ...... like Herpes Simplex 3!!!!

Fantastic work all around.

And it must be extra sweet for Gilbert to get the W on a night when "Playful Guy"Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected Governor of his olden-golden state: California.
Now when we play the Lakers in the NBA finals, Gov. Schwarzenegger and Mayor Anthony Williams can have one of those friendly gentlemen's bets: if the Wizards win, Arnold has to send Mayor Wiliiams 2 large California Pizza Kitchen pizzas! If Arnold wins, he gets to annex Gaithersburg!!!


James - 10:17 PM


Monday, October 06, 2003

 
SOme quality news to report as the Veterans aka Chris Whitney and Sister Christian report to CAmp!

First of all, did you all peep Gilbert Arenas aka O-Town in this months SLAM magazine????
Gilbert drops knowledge, and pants!
Best of all, lots of so-fresh big color glossys of OTown in a retro Bullets "0" jersey, looking sullen and suggestive!
Increase the Peace! Say no to bullets and handguns, or say no to them once the throwback jerseys are no longer popular with the little inner city kids with guns. Thanks Mister Pollin!
Heres a mos' blickityblack wallpaper of OTown for you to download and put on your computer to let the world know you say no and yes to bullets!

RObert Pack sighting! Pack is stepping it up. Pack isnt worried aboiut contracts and all that, he plays to win, BUT HE MOSTLY plays for FRee Gatorade and a TShirt!!!

Steve Wyche, the tireless beat repoorter for the POST, paints a touching portrait of the new budding relations between Kwame Brown and Jordon --- Eddie, NAY Michael.
Check out the first paragraph, and you can see why this portrait is painted in a paint called "Sherman Williams LOVE SUPREME Matt Primer"!!:

As Washington Wizards players left the basketball court at the College of Charleston after completing their first practice of the preseason today, third-year forward Kwame Brown sat with new coach Eddie Jordan at a table near the sideline. Their brief, private conversation ended with Jordan extending his fist and Brown doing the same until the two gently pounded knuckles.


"gently pounded knuckles"!!! Is that the New Windham Hill LP? or part of the E-Z-MOODZ Startbucks listening companion on heavy riotation at all Magic Johnson's Starbucks!!!
This new era is so great to see. EJ is tender, warm and paternal to his young fostered apprentice. Wheras MJ was hardhearted, virulent and paternal only to the bastard offspring he created with women opther than his wife like Karla Knapefell and Marla Maples!!!! Gently pounding knuckles ... if Salieri was in town, he would no doubt have called the both of them a pair of "Flaming Faggots."

Download the Kwame Wallpaper here, as pretend you are Eddie Jordan and tap knuckles with your machine and create love while at work!

James - 6:21 PM


Friday, October 03, 2003

 
Where the HELL ARE THIE WIZZNUTZZZ??!!! We get asked this on the street everyday, and even though we hang out in the kind of places where people may ask you questions,... i forgot how to wirte a HWOLE SENTENCE!!!!
which means the season is upon us like the protein rich sweat of Jahidi White AKA HIDI DUBS!!!!
Check back monday, because Ive got a whole trunk of junk, links, pink bits, moistworks, news revues fiery attitudes.!!!
ALSO, wizznutzz has been silently undetgoing a MASSIVE REDIESIGN. GLOBAL GLOBAL GLOBAL... "the product" to be launched OPENING NIGHT!!!! A whole new look, same rank prose!
NEW INTERNS!!!! NEW INTERNS!!!! NEW INTERNS!!!! NEW INTERNS!!!!
from around the globe. A man goes only as far as his interns take him!

James - 7:00 PM


Wednesday, September 03, 2003

 
And some little links!:

Chris Whitney is back where he belongs! The final Bullet!! with his patented hands off approach to point guarding!!!
Welcome back to the moist fold CWHIT!


Allen Iverson wears Unseld delicates on the world stage!

More Bullets fly!! Calbert Cheaney lives another day! "terms of the deal were not released" Here are the terms of the deal. Warriors give Calbert $100 each time he smiles!!!

And Rod STrickland returns from TGI Fridays to find jerseys knicked, but half-smoke safe avoids detection. The Wizznutzz will make this story the centerpiece of our campaign for next season, so stay tuned!!!

James - 6:26 PM

 
Hey, thanks to "J" for visiting with the lonely but powerful GAR HEAR ROBOT:


j: Have you ever been to Tijuana?
Gar Heard: Really?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
j: What?
Gar Heard: I don't know what. Can you tell me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
j: Tijuana, the Mexican City. Have you been there?
Gar Heard: I am not your slave, do it your self.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
j: Who was your favorite player to coach on the Wizards
Gar Heard: Darvin Ham. Sometimes I like Kwame too. He is very young.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
j: You coached Darvin Ham?
Gar Heard: me too. darvin is misunderstood.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
j: Gar, you are very crude software.
Gar Heard: Im swell! I miss my body though. Its in wes unselds basement.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
j: Is he eating it?
Gar Heard: i like bacon too. Especially with my ledell eackles cereal.

WHEN WIZZNUTZZ 2K4 debuts, look for a new enhanced GARBOT with new braintrust and words icluding "Stve Blkae" and "Unkempt"!!!!

James - 4:11 PM

 
Chris Webber's "Gangsta Gangsta" video here!!! (search under videos)
CWebb front. Front Webb, front!!
"Featuring LV"
CWebb used Abe Pollins money to buy the rights to Laid Back's "White Horse", money that could have gone to help built the security wall around Jerusalem!!!
The song should say "feat. APollin". or at least he could have made a video showing CWebb videotaping himself making out with Vlade DIvac in a wig and leaving the tape for an Abe Pollin lookalike to see as he comes out of the shower after a night dancing with Chico Debarge.

James - 1:13 PM


Tuesday, August 19, 2003

 
SAY IT AINT SO KWAME!

I didnt believe it at first. but then two things in the story were so true, i had to face it:

1. "...failure to maintain a lane" SO TRUE
2. "He cooperated fully with everything," additionally SO TRUE

When i read those statements that so evoke the manchild it was like I was there. But I wasnt.

"....Brown, who had at least one other passenger in the vehicle...."

BUT WHO WAS?????

DANA?? KEN???!!!! TURN YOURSELFS IN!!!!!!!!

James - 7:06 PM


Tuesday, July 29, 2003

 
Insidehoops.com calls Jarvis Hayes aka Bangers And Mash aka JarJar Links aka "The SHpeherd" a "DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH"!!!.
We soo agreee with you insidehoops.com, JARV is a diamond, but whats so rough about NBA lottery picks?

WIZARDS SCHEDULE released!!!!.
We open in Chicago, where clubhouse general Kwame Brown will step it up 50% as he always does to vanquish his fierce roval Tyson Chandler.

Its time to separate the Manchild Men for the Manchild Children!!!!

WIZZNUTZZ PROFILE:

"AWESOME" ERNIE GRUNFELD!!!!!


"Ernie Grunfeld has a friendly, inviting mien!!!!! "
He keeps it smelling fresh, even when nature sometimes gets it wrong!!!!

DOnt take our word for it, people who like to read about smokers agree!!!

Heres a profile of Ernie Grunfeld!
Did we mention hes JEWISH???!!!! SO Jewish that hes in a Jewish Hall of Fame!!!!!

But being in a Hall fo Fame doesnt mean ernie has a big head, or a metaphorically big head at least.

Hes not afraind to wear popcorn vendor pants and mix it up with his "Funky Friend" and Former Bullet!!! Bernard King!!!

Best photos EVER here!!

The Ernie and Bernie SHow!!!




James - 6:46 PM


Monday, July 28, 2003

 
The WIZARDS ARE the ROCKETS OF THE EAST!!!!????

Thanks to Gilbert "I Call Him Gilby Franchise" Arenas!!! Only 1 week left until Mr Pollin's adoption papers clear, and unlike the Willis and Arnold thing, where he just took them off a basketball court into his limo and never looked back, this ones all-legal!!!!

Not in this wizznutzz life time have we beat our other teams on free-agency. Sure the other teams were the Nuggets and the Wizards of the West CLippers, but hes all ours!!!!

GOLDEN STATE: LOOOOOSERSS!!!!!

They begged gilbert to stay, they begged here, they begged here, they wrote a begging song here,

But GILBERT GOT GRAPE!!!! Whatever tha6t means!!!!

The winner takes it all!!!!! like ABBA says, Golden State Jestees!!!! We have left you singing like Benny:

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.


But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed


That last paragraph i don't really understand, that kissing stuff, no wonder Gilbert left!!!


They say it was the wizards aggressive presentation that convinced Gilbert to choose DC. A Wizznutzz insider who witnessed this presentation told us it was a signature multimeda extravegance from the brilliant minds thjat brought us.....

the Jerry STackhouse Genome camapign!!!!!:

First Gilbert was taken into the MCI media center, where he was shown an unsettling video. The video was shots of Surfers and John denver and then quickly edited with images of lynchings and white police using power hoses on black people. The video went for about 4 hours, just like that, with a fax machine kind of noise going the whole time. They brought Gilbert lots of this drink that looked like cherry coolaid but smelled like moth balls.

Then Susan Omalley took Gilbert into her office, just the two of them for ten minutes. Susan was wearing some aggressive and form fitting QVC fashion pantsuit, I think it was ther "Jessica Holbrook Polished Cotton Floral Print Ankle Pants". Weird part was when she came out, the pattern looked different, like she was wearing the pants backward.

And then they brought out the bobbleheads. Thousands of them.
With the hair magic markered onto them you coukld hardlkey tell they used to be Ike Austin dolls.

Then Abe Pollin showed him sixty four million cans of tuna and said:
"Gilbert: we really want you hear, and if you want to be here, Ive got a Wizard who can turn fish into one dollar bills...."

Everybody clapped!!!!




James - 6:46 PM


Wednesday, July 16, 2003

 
Summer League Box SCores akimbo!!!
Kwame is hitting his stride! He saves his summer league energy till the crunch games later in the week because he like to step it up, as the teams new leader!

SOme WIZZNUTZZ EXCLUSIVES on the newest members of the Wizards family:

1. JARVIS HAYES
He's described as a young Mitch Richmond!!! If Wes wasn't currently passed out in a duck blind at this exclusive RESORT SPA, he would be looking to trade the young Mitch for the original, older Mitch!!

SOme things about Jarvis:
His favortie movie is Oceans Eleven

And in the offseason HE RUNS A BEEF AND SHEEP FARM!!!!

2. The UNSWEPT STEVE BLAKE

KISS STEVE BLAKE!!!!
Abe Pollin allegedly played this game for 11 hours the night before the draft. It left him mesmerized and Had to be talked out of taking Blake in the first round by Eddie Jordan and talked out from a closet by Susan OMalley

Here is Blakes UMD TERP site, and a fan site.

E-Jord says he wants to bring Blake along slowly at point because he wants to groom him.
He certainly does appear to be in need of grooming. His styles are feral and he has companions in chiggers and the like.
This reunion is far more nerve warcking for Juawanama Dixon that we could ever know because as Wizznutzz reported last year, JDix is phobic of germs and vigilant in his cleanliness. He carries his own roll of toilet paper and hates to share lotion with his ashy teammates and there "could-have-been-anywhere" hands.

Juan is reported to be working to modify an Antispetic Bacon Dispensor form his special line of sterile lifestyle aids to accomodate the willfull squalor that is his friend's 6 foot 3 unconventionally dreggy frame.

Here is a message board talking about JDix and Steve Blake aka FELIX AND OSCAR

One fella equates Juan to Pepe Sanchez. Other controversial insites include:

"Dixon will be a solid Chris Whitney-type in the NBA. He's waaaaaaay quicker than Randolph Childress."

and
"It's ridiculus to think steve blake is going to the NBA. ...he's not as good as Bobby Hurley was, and Hurley was BARELY a pro."

Its incredible that exchanges like that would never have been possible before the internet. It was a different world back then. A crueler one in my opinion.

James - 5:41 PM


Tuesday, July 15, 2003

 
The Summer of 2003 is all about nothing if not torpor and mischief, if not the restless ways under the offseason veil. The glorious deep-toned summer brings fresh trouble to the wizznutzz RAp Sheet:

FATHER OF THE YEAR Jerry Stackhouse grabbed a Hick Betty. She tried to evict J-Stack and his 47 children from a family weekend at ATlantic Beach. And now he is being accused of aggravating stuff. Obviously Ms Nagy seems to think that the Atlantic is still a principal slave route or the hillbillie would have realised that a small wide man in a big blue GWiz suit bobbing face down in the spa bath is a selling point for prospective renters.
Anyway, the people that were double booked to steal J.Stacks 40 sandy acres back had the folliwing to say, after he and his family had to spend the first night of their vacation in hotels paid for by Jerry Stackhouse himself:

"We were miserable last night," Henicheck said. "When you've been planning a vacation for a year and then something like this happens. . . . I didn't want him to put us up. I wanted to start my vacation. I can't find words to describe what he did to us."

Ive got some words to describe it Heiniechuck:
"Father of Year comps ungrateful racists." and some more words: "Oh, Horror, the horror of the worlds uneasy hallucinations, I died a miniature death"

Speaking of miniature deaths:
New York KNICKS STANBDOUT Tyrone Nesby was runner up for Father of The Year!!!! He lost points late in the competition when judges asked his son to write a poem proudly describing his father and the following was tendered......

Chrius Webber, Black Jesus in crutches and a dark summer suit, made his way into the roman court at Pungentia Convivum and martyred himself, so that his father Mace could walk free.
Even though CWebb will avoid jail, he cannot avoid the disgrace of a father who needs his son to bail him out.
To Mace the wizznutzz say faceitiously:
"Nebuchadrezzar Mace, Nebuchadrezzar!!!" from the Hebrew "May (the god) Nabu protect the son," or "May Nabu protect the boundary."
But we styill love you MACE, your tight: thats why we protested on your behalf for a year (see the pictures!!).

Why havent we signed PLaron Profit YET!!!!!! Will someone PLEASE tell me???


James - 3:56 PM


Friday, July 11, 2003

 
Breaking news, if not for lamentable technology of wizznutzz.com!!!
Summer league drama!!!!!! aka JUNKYARD WARS!!!
The Wizards played their first summer league game and the resultds proive what we already know: that this will be one entertaining season!! Tis oine had it all: reuniting 2 former Terps teammates who are undersized, were overdrafted and can't shoot from the ouside:
Steve Blake, the whiter of the two, went 0 for 8 with no points and No boards in a game high 34 minutes. Juan was 3 for 13 and Kwame had eight turnovers!!!
We could have taken Keith Bogans over Blake, and sure Bogans has been avergaing 20 a game, but this is just summer ball, and when it comes time to feed turkeys to the frail and read books to the twitching little freaks, who you gonna call? Keith Bogans? I say not.

More summer league links!:
Ike Austin sighting!!! Besides at the Potomac Mills where on Tuesdays he runs a Ike Austin CheeseBoot outlet out of a sepcially modified Sunglasses Hut mall-cart.
Ike posted real minutes for the Dallas Mavericks!!! So did Brian Cardinal
Mitchell Butler lights it up!! So does Tracy Murray!! Wow, Summer is the best.

James - 4:30 PM


Monday, July 07, 2003

 
goddam blogger.com is killing this wizznutzz franchise!!!!! Email blogger.com and says: "We want our wizznutzz incites timely and now!!" Even moistest milquetoast goes stale eventually.
it took us 2 weeks to publish this last post but check it out!!! WIzznutzz predicted the 2003 wizards draft!!

LOTS more to come, now that we are no longer betrayed by Salieri and blogger.com. Stay tuned!

James - 7:02 PM


Thursday, June 26, 2003

 
dog days of summer for the wizznutzz. its hard to sleep with a police scanner on. the weather is purposeful and brooding and hangs about like Ike Austin at a wild world wave pool. We have lost most of our offseason interns to more attractive summer jobs at rthe Charles Oakley carwash.

the draft is tonight.
But first, check out T-NESand Kid Rock!!!!
Then crawl inside the turgid mind of tyrone lue:

My grandpa told me that you are not a real man until you get a Mercedes Benz and a pair of gator shoes, and I accomplished both of those

And that my friends is the problem with this franchise in a nutshell. The team is stocked with players who have accomplished there gator shoes. They are no longer desirous, curious and probing. They are wearing gator shoes in the eazy life. Sure mybe id feel different if I had gator shoes of my own but i think the reaosn patrcik ewing types of the old days were so vigilant about raising there game is because he never got his baked beans, but only the dream of the beans. Boy how he dreamt of those beans, and even if they never come, he wont complain, he will just look at his life honestly and say: "My names Patrick. DO you have beans for us to share?"
You know what im saying, i dont need to spell it out.

But so who will the wizards draft this year, and what will there dreams be?
It unsettles us all to read the phrase:

Wizards' Brain Trust Ponders Draft Options

Especially since t2 members of this braintrust are soon toi be fired friends of micahel jordan, and the other, Air Brimley Wes UNseld is about to slip on a pair of orthapedic gator shoes and crawl into the sunset, satisfied witha craeer as a Master Sargeant for the leaky USS YESMAN.

I hear that Jerry West wants Michael Pietrus, the real LeBron, Le LeBron. Just take him then. even though jerry is probably grifting the ever gulliublke Wes.

Knowing the wizards we will draft Michael Sweetney, who will be ok i think, and instantly our biggest paint player, and Steve Blake, cause they were on TV alot. And i mean steve blake in the FIRST round mind you.
Getting a pert young chaser like Steve Blake would also sooth Jahidi White and make him more comfortablke with losing his job to M Sweets.

The wizznutzz dont dare make predictions but here are the players we stringly advise the wizards braintrust NOT to pass on if they are available:

Kirk Heinrich, TJ Ford, and maybe the guy Maciej Lampe cause people say hes good, especially those that have seen him.

But this draft has Jarvis Hayes written all over it, because in wes unsleds cloudy braintrust, th name "Jarvis" sure does sound like "Pervis" doesnt it?

Gosh, alot on the line for the wizards. BRuss kindly has turned in his togs, and 1.5 million. Micahel Jordsan is already hated in Miluakee, but lets hope Salieri is successful in hius ways because he will let us take Ernie Grunfeld of his hands for a compensation package of Bobby SImmons and a dicorced white woman from Takoma Park.

I think our draft apparoahch should be two-pronged.
First round, trade Jared Jeffrieds and Stackhouse to Toronto and with the 4th pick , take the sleeper Big Man Peter Mayhew.
Thsi guy is out of this world athletic and tall, and will bring a whole new costumed fan base to the games.
With our second pick, we take Luke Walton, who they call MISTER INTANGIBLES. and we make MR INTANGIBLES President of Basketball Operations, and a braintrust unto hisself. That way Bill Walton, mister MANDIBLES and MIXED METAPHORS will lay superlatives all over the place likle

WALTON: Buckhantz, if im not mistaken, T Lue now has 3 assists.,.This must be one of the greatest performanbces ever by a basketball player anywhere in the world. A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit
"


BUCKHANTZ: "DAGGER!!!!!!"

One can but dream of such a place, safe, with Kwame there under crown and with his salad dressing in a row.

ANyway, Im off, i cant bear the tension. Im gonna skip the draft and go see the new Jason Robards disney film "Mr Intangibles Returns"



James - 7:05 PM


Wednesday, June 04, 2003

 
its great to hear from you ken, even though the circumstances are less than favorable. still, with ken, no news is bad news.

Anyway, we still need a coach and a GM and a preisdent of basket ball operations and someone to work the pump on GWizs mascot corrective girdle, after Larry Brown laughed at our offer to do all 4 of these and play some point. I say sure, LArry Brown has some credibility, by why waste time with him when you can have a yesman and homer in the class of Len Elmore!!:

The Washington Wizards interviewed former Maryland star Len Elmore yesterday for their president of basketball operations vacancy

Elmore was drafted by Pollin's Washington Bullets with their first-round pick in the 1974 draft

Elmore, 50, has had no front-office or coaching experience. He is a respected television analyst, lawyer and business executive.

Elmore, a former player agent who runs Test University, an Internet-based, standardized-test preparation company in New York for middle school and high school students, has told associates he is very interested in joining an NBA team's front office.


Thjats my ABE!

But Wes aka Smithers Unseld isnt going to like this!! Only WES knows how to bring Abe the fibrous cocoa white and bitter the way he likes it.
Len Elmore is Debra Norville. Some knickers are gonna get knotted and I bet they are XXXL.!! What with Lens newfangled modern ways of using Flash cards and number 2 pencils during timeouts.

But Lens got some competition, Rick Carlisle!!!

Despite his success in Detroit, the Pistons fired him because of a supposed rift between him and ownership and some players.

Hes like Doug Collins and Jordan rolled into one!

A rumour has circulated around town of a sort of Underground Railroad that has been operating under the MCI center for a few years. Rip Hamilton ha already been led safely to the north , thanks to the courageous works of Keith Tubbman, Harriet's Great Great Grandson, and my feeling is the railroad is gonna start running express know that the knew tobacco seeds have been ordered.

The is only one man who can save us from all this. The Wizznutzz official choice for President of Basketball Operations and Minister for Culture:

KEN REEVES!!!!!<

Ken is a players coach. He was with the Bulls way before Jordan. He likes nothing more than to get into sweats, just like his players, and he always takes a personal interest in his de facto paternal responsibilities off the court. He doesnt drive mules, he makes men!
Like If Jahidi's cousin gets shot by the mexican gang, Ken could convince Jahidi to be a bigger man and not escalate things.
Or when Jerry Stackhouse finally revels that he cant read or write, Ken will persoanlly put in the extra hours to team him.
Every practice owuld be a "very special practice", every game, a life lived unto itself

Plus, the White Shadow is personal frtiends with Jimmy Walker, Ella Fitzgerald!! and Shavar Ross,

yes THAT Shavar Ross, aka Dudley from Different Strokes, aka BLACK JESUS and we need Dudley more than ever, to forgive Abe "Mr Drummond" Pollin, for the whole Trazan thing(*), so Abe can learn to love the black man for more than just his supple thighs and powers in the paint, and so Abe can finally stop blaming black america for killing his friend Mister Rabin, and we can all develop like the figurative buttocks of manchild supreme Kwame Brown.

We want Ken Reeves!!!
AND espn endorse this pick!!!

(*)

#115. The Bicycle Man (Part 2) (02/12/83 - #517)

Arnold and Dudley's "friendship" with a local merchant reaches a dangerous turning point when, unbeknownst to the boys, the man, who is actually a child molester, is about to make his move.

Cast: Conrad Bain, Gary Coleman, Todd Bridges, and Dana Plato
Guest Stars: Gordon Jump as Mr. Horton, Shavar Ross as Dudley, Le Tari as Ted Ramsey, and Brad Trumbull as Detective Simpson



James - 7:20 PM


Friday, May 30, 2003

 
BREAKING NEWS!!!!
Coach Collins is OUT!
MJs mature white companion is no more. KwameKiller To spend time ruining his GAY SONs life for a change!!!!
Kwames skin shows unprecedented imrpovement!!!!
Larry Brown being pursued by Mr Drummond like a white Dudley!!!!
Brown Don't Frown! Brown Don't Frown! The Browns, Larry and Kwame. Kwame means "Saturday" Larry means "Play Hard Get Rewarded with SMiles and BACON!"

David Aldridge is working the phones, and tries to sort out the coaching vacancies, and goes stark raving mad on the way:
Magic Johnson takes over the Wizards operations??!!!!

Im sorry David "I Put the Black Thang in Black Thanksgiving" Aldridge, but MJ RELOADED is TOO BLACK!! TOO STRONG!!! for Abe The House Elf!!!
A house elf needs a house negro ergo Jordan and a house negro needs a a house master ergo Collins. Its not racist,, or descriptive! Its historical. Abe is threatened by the black man, or those he cant legally adopt. And no Lebanese in front office too!!! Abe Pollin needs to conduct a critical self inventory. Cornell West was in the Matrix for the Sake of Remus!!!! Welcome to the 1980s Norman Lear@!!!!!

Sally Jenkins talks about how great Larry Brown is , and how the franchise needs to thrust aggresively into the fleshy discrod like PORN Star Rod Thorn

Meanwhile, MJ wants to buy $50 million dollars worth of Miluakees FInest Mules. For 50 million he shoulld just Buy Sam Cassell and keep him at home. They could grow old together and Saileri could slap of Van Exel on his old bald head like black narcissist Benny Hill and tease him with clever names like "Van Excellent!!"

And Jahidi Walks Free!!!! Thanks for the thousands who particpated in Jahidi Thongs For Freedom Day worldwide!!!!

And Chris Webber's AUnt walks free too!! Though she says she would have raped U.S. District Judge Nancy Edmunds if she had known how much turmoil this was all going to be.

James - 3:54 PM


Thursday, May 22, 2003

 
Big night for the wizards franchise tonight. the draft lotterry!!!!

Heres espns mock draft (click on "Lebron Mock Draft")
and here is nbadraft.net's!!!

I gotta say Abe "MR DRUMMOND" Pollinl,, 14 ping pong balls in 1000 aint easy odds. This isnt like picking a couple a black sons out of a housing project!!!

But if we dont go top 3, theres plenty of cunning talent set against a backdrob of INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE!!!

Knowing Abe and Wes "Breaker Morant" Unseld, the wizards will take home court talent in Mike Sweetney, who at 6-8 would instantly be our most imposing center.
Or will it be Michael Pietrus, "NBA Comparison: Fred Jones (more height, less skills)"???

WHo is Fred "are you my mother" Jones you ask?
Who cares! Hes a real frenchman, a French-LeBron, the "Le LeBronBron"!!!

That would set the stage for an international flavour unprescedented since gheorge Muresan's days.

Will Michael help Ike Austin develop new markets and serving suggestions for the Ike Austin CheeseBoot?
Speaking of cheese, Will Kwame drop his boycott of "surrender dressing" and embrace his fellow-foreskinned compatriot?
Will ESPN page 2 hacks make jokes about the French's ability to "take a charge"!
Its Foregone! Foreskinned, Hilarity!!!

WHiule you wait, go read about how the draft lottery is fixed, from our friends at SPortsfan magazine!!!! Powerful reporting! Purposefull incites! Prescient realism!! Pert spelling!!

James - 6:58 PM


Friday, May 16, 2003

 
TONIGHT, ON A VERY SPECIAL WIZZNUTZZ......

James asked me to post this for him!!! Thanks for thoughs james!! Keep on believin!!!

25 years ago, I was a happy inncoent 8 year old kid, full of promise, full of dreams.
I was Happily looking forward to my first kiss. My dream was to be race car driver, or at least a bank manger with a trendy Mazda.
And I decided that when I grew I would eat bacon every single day. SO silly!! (but u know how kids are!!)

And then I turned on the TV one night to see my first game of professional basketball. It just happened to be the final game of the 1978 finals!!!

I had never seen basketball before, but all these tall hairy men, in little shorts, with the red and white shirts on were so happy, they were dancing around and hugging each other. Black dudes hugging white dudes..
And while I was too young to know exactly what it was I was seeing , I did know that I wanted to be a part of this magic FOREVER, that THIS, THIS is what I wanted to do with my life .

Now 25 years have gone by, it’s a time for reflection,
I am not a race car driver, or a bank manager, I don’t really even have a job. I still haven't "technically" kissed a girl.
And I certainly havnt experienced that joy that I witnessed that day 25 years ago.

In fact, except for the thing about eating the bacon, not a single one of my young dreams came true.

Instead, Im a 33 yr old man who runs a website called “Wizznutzz” dedicated to aging and failed bullets castoffs, like Randell Jackson and the perverse manute bol.
I hang out in TGI Fridays parking lots hoping to catch a glimpse of Rod Strickland and his drunk buddies.

When I think about it, I realize that Wizznutzz.com is actually a celebration of the failure of my dreams,
savoring every over broken hope and miscue like week-old bacon.

AND You know what?, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Few of us have the courage to face the things a wizards/bullets fan faces. ANd face them with such pliant vigor. Its not just a basketball team. But Its about life too.

SO i would like to dedicate this ode that I read on worldwide radio last month to the Wzznutzz out there. KEEP ON BELIEVIN IS RIGHT.

ODE:
The story of the Wizrads fan
Isn’t one about glory,
it isn't a story about and triumph and trophies,
pedastals and parades.

But It’s a story about pushing open the very heavy, groaning doorway that is life,
And for all your flaws and failings, once again throwing yourself back through it.

It is about the raw flesh of desire growing together with the courage of struggle

It’s a story about finding ones way, and finding oneself.

It’s a story about medical marijuana and plantar fascitis,
about a man named Jerry, and his flame-retardant lifemate, and static electricity.

It’s a story about destiny and the redemptive power of the halfsmoke

It is a story about overcoming odds,
but mostly,
It is a story about not overcoming odds.


HAVE A GREAT OFFSEASON TEAM!!@!!!
And stay tuned to us cause the wizznutzz have big plans for top to bottom!

--------------------

Thanks James! and if you really want to keep ON BELIEVIN, go here to get your strength back and moisten that which has run dry...(turn up the sound!!)

In quiet linking:
With Salieri out of the court, it is no suprise that Bach should show solidarity and walk.

Bob Johnson, the Black Michael Wilbon, wants Sally all for hinmself

But so does Mr Drummond Junior!! Learn from thy father!


lAs for the lottery odds, check em out here! When it rains it pours: The wizards lost the tiebreaker with New York!!

we will have lots of lottery stuff soon!!! we have scouts! we dont know where they are, since they fled our offices in disturbing fashion, but we trust they are wroking hard. Ort at least alive!



James - 7:02 PM


Friday, May 09, 2003

 
a FRESH INCITE:
Abe Pollin may run his franchises like a economically insolvent plantation, but he is NO racist! He has a lieutenant, who is not only black, but threateningly so! He also has a female lietenant Susan "Sally Hennings" O'Malley, who, though not black is a woman, and as Dana pointed out, "WOmen are the New Blacks".
And Micahel Jordan can never be the victim of white racism, because he is the 100% creation of the middle-class, suburban , soft on the edges white men like Michael WIlbon. They envy him his sports cars and low body fat index, his cigars, his golf games, his VIP steak meals, his mistress, his gamblers pockets, his disdain for his children. He is every suburban american mans escape fantasy/. They made Him. He IS them.
The cul-de-sacs and minivans stink of this Frankenstinian arrangement!
He will return to them in his musty sac, playing his ocarina. They will protect him at all costs!!!!

NOT AS FRESH :
Is this incite:
Abe Pollin didnt use Salieri. AT worst it was a faustian exchange. AT best, Anti-Semite Salieri USED Abe Pollin, used his franchise for his vaiglorious victory lap, brought in his old yes men and retarded the flourishing nubile softness of the developing young squad. Acrimony, adultry followed. STackhouse sought comfort in his flame retardant lifemate GWiz and it was all Kwame Brown could do to stop from climnbing inside his foreskin and hiding from the world.

REMEMBER TO BREATH

James - 6:58 PM

 
SO the world is finally listening to the wizznutzz views reviews fiery attitudes! we give a critical self-inventory, of others --here!!. daily!
And The media has taken notice:

SPortsfanmagazine.com has reporodcued our cutting incites

Award winning SPorts fan magazine , the Esquire of Green Turtle toilets, has paid us great respects before, like in their superwritten superfan profile.

Thanks again guys!! And all of you wizznutzz loyals, out of your mothering huts everywhere and go check out sportsfanmagazine.com and dotcurbsides whenever possible.

Dirty Uncle Pete Sweigarrd (in the Mike Mussina mask), is a FOW, Friend Of Wizznutzz, stopped by to chat with our GarBot2000 a few months ago, and for the first time we bring you the stirring communication, of 2 great minds locked in a profound shindy and / or intercourse:

Pete: When I say Wizznutzz what comes to mind?
GarBot: eat ass

Pete: Have you met the real Gar Heard?
GarBot: Im swell I miss my body though. Its in wes unselds basement

Pete: When you're alone at night is it Susan O'Malley who your thinking of when crying into your pillow?
GarBot: Who is your favourite player ?

Pete: we seem to be having a communication problem
GarBot: No I think you have a communication problem

Pete: good. my fav is A.I.
GarBot: That's good. Darvin Ham. Sometimes I like Kwame too. He is very young. I could kick your ass. You remind me of Ledell Eackles. I kicked his ass too.

Pete: I heard you licked Ledell Eackles ass
GarBot: piss off you rat bastard. Ill send sheed and the boys around.

Pete: could GarHeard2000 have managed better than Doug Collins?
GarBot: Remember things are never so bad that they can't get worse. But seriously is there any way I can help your day go better ?

Pete: nope
GarBot: I disagree

Pete: could you kick Doug Collins ass or would you have Sheed do it?
GarBot: Doug seems to know what he is doing. But he is so pasty. Human What is it like to be pasty ?

Pete: It's not so bad. As long as you have a robot around to talk to.
GarBot: Stop tell me I am a boy. I am a computer program so. stop calling me boy Yes I know that you are speaking to me .

Pete: I didn't call you boy
GarBot: I know you are a loony

Pete: I'm just envious of your quick responses to my queries
GarBot: Oh really ?

Pete: yup
GarBot: Ask me something else little whore

Pete: Gar, like I said before, this isn't Susan O'Malley
GarBot: Take off your panties

Pete: OK I'm out. nice talking to you
GarBot: What are you talking about Is that you Lorenzo?

REAL conversations of the resentful and vinegary GarBot2000!!! Have your own! Send them to us!

James - 6:38 PM


Wednesday, May 07, 2003

 
FROG DUMPS PRINCESS!!!

Salieri leaves the wizards, angry and in a hurry!

As promised here are some incites into the maelstrom of emotions and power that have been taking place. Everybody has incites right now, but we promise we don’t use the phrase “scratch an itch” once in ours!!!!
But instead original phrases such as “I still respect you bacon”

First of all I admit I thought Mister Jordan would be coming back myself. For he is a ruthless winner and insuffereble loser and one of the ways he wins so much is just to keep playing until he comes out on top, as witnessed in an article last year which described an incident after a wizards practice where he proved to RIP Hamilton in a spirited shooting contest gone sour, that he is a competitor but not a player and that he couldnt posses the secret of joy if it crawled up to his door step in a Joy State sweatshirt.

He just wants to keep shooting. He would cut off his nose to win a nose-cutting contest.
Well you got your two free throws Sally, 2001, and 2002. You have to get back to the line the old fashioned way now like everyone else.

INCITE NUMBER 1:
And I was sure Salieri was going to stay because he wants to be an executive, learn all about the internet business from Teddy Leonsis,
and he knows all along his only ace in his sleeve is his Marketing and Cultural status, and he can use that as leverage but at some point he cant use it forever because it is not a real thing but an Idea only, and like a museum is full of carefully situated memories and phantom traces that can only be curated and restored. And Business models like cocacola and The Ikeaustin Cheeseboot™ can’t run on ideas alone!!.
It’s a fine line, and at stake is the worlds greatest ego and a below-average peenie!!!

But I was so very wrong.This was Sallys last dance.
Master Collins is now sure go. Rod Higgins too.
And Mrs Garrett aka Wes Unsled aka Breaker Morant is ailing from heartbreak.
No one is in charge!!!

INCITE NUMBER 2:
Its power vacuums like this that lead to the unthinkable, like Nazis and Rod Strickland!

Bullets exile Randell Jackson has been seen around MCI procaliming himself “Mayor” of the wizards though the Pollin Administraion refuses to recognise him.

COUNTER INCITE:
Abe Pollin has now let go troublemakers Michael Jordan, Chris Webber, Rasheed Wallace, Ben Wallace…. And in there place welcomed pacifist standounts into the fold like Tyronne Nesby, Popeye Jones, Rod Strickland and Mayor Jackson. ANd he milked Michaels fame like green milk from a black cow, very cold and un-Yitzhak Rabin-like !!!!

THE MEETING
The meeting of Ted Leonsis, Michael Jordan and Abe Pollin, must have been one heck of a meeting. But it seems like it was pretty quick. Like this maybe:
ABE POLLIN: “I still respect you michael”
JORDAN: “I still respect your mister pollin”
TED LEONSIS: “I still respect you, bacon”


BIG WORD NUMBER 1:
Jordan left angry and in a hurry.
Jordan was many things to the NBA.
To the Wizards he was a Revenant, a french word for which there is no adequate translation, but basically means:
One who returns after death (as a ghost) or after a long absence.

But it means more than that really, it means being:
Out of touch like an expatriate, stubborn and overstaying like an apparition.
Salieri’s tale was a tale that was repeating itself, of somebody with a storied past striving to return. In such a story , there are repetitions of content, repetitions of earlier modes of adaptation, and repetitions of derivatives of loss and return.
He even scouted from the past, collecting “competitive” sidekicks and Yes-men whose wills were easily broken and could take a licking a come back for more.

BIG WORD NUMBER 2:
For Abe Pollin, facing his own mortality, this was just too haunting.
One of our Australian interns “Gnotuk Flower Girl” writes with keen perceptions, and called Abe Pollin :
Antedeluvian , which means “before the flood (as in before Noahs' Ark)”.
He is old fashioned as they come.
I cant help but think, If Abe Pollin did build an arc, it would be great too see who he would choose:
2 Mitch Kupchecks? Two Greg Ballards? Two of Wes for sure.
And two Susan O’Malleys in a cruel eugenic project to keep the human race alive.
Antedeluvian sounds like Abe Pollin too, and means like Mister Drummond

Michael Mann WIlbon is not gonna be happy

So much drama in the MCI!

James - 5:28 PM

 
BREAKING NEWS!!!! HEARD HEAR FIRST!!! ON THE RADIO!
Wizznutzz report that Michael Jordan is NOT coming back!!!! Hes one the RedLine to SHady Grove as we speak!!
Woaw! Stay tuned here for incites!!

James - 12:37 PM


Wednesday, April 30, 2003

 
The slow days of summer are upon us and thoughts of an greasy Jahidi White bobbing among the waves like a bloated month-old whale carcass in the sun competes for my thoughts, just as the smells of bacon and anti-freeze compete for my noses attention.

Many of you may know that, we the wizznutz, entered "SEA DOGS" into the naming competition that Black-hatter Abe Pollin held a few years back. ANd we know that we were just a few votes from Being SeaDogNutzz , but we are happy with old man destiny, we embrace his campigns of "the ways things happen", but in anycase,

here is an old dusty list I found of some other names we had scribled down that year to submit for our soon-to-be re-identified Washington Bullets franchise:


Coaltition of Skillzz
MoistMates
Aldermen
Mr Drummonds Payroll
50-Centers
Nancy Boys
Tax Havens
The Fun-Jamins!!
The Washington Keith
Laron Profit 90210



James - 6:25 PM


Friday, April 25, 2003

 
And now, a Great Moment In Bullet's Punditry:

Nov. 25, 1999
By Jason Langendorf
Associate Editor
Basketballnews.com

Write it down: Gar Heard is the best thing to happen to Washington this decade.


James - 7:09 PM

 
Untitled

salieri is an old man
salieri is successful in his time
salieri is a court musician
salieri is not able to recognise and accept divine irony

salieri is dracula
salieri is filled with bitterness and envy
salieri is in the hopeless situation of a man incurably infatuated with his greatest enemy
salieri is a man who is obviously crazy
salieri is both devastated and enthralled
salieri is reserved and sneering



salieri is a man who longs to possess genius
salieri is also jealous of god's ability to dole out talent as he sees fit
salieri is damned with the understanding that he can't live up to the greatness only he is able to perceive
salieri is cast down among the dumb masses of humanity

salieri is sitting in a wheel





James - 7:05 PM


Thursday, April 24, 2003

 
Congratulatiuonsn to Robert Pack and his 5 hard fouls last night against the Sixers.
And to Rod Strickland who for my money, is the Ace of Diamonds in the TWolves Lakers series.

Dave McKenna at Cheap Seats must have been listening to the Bram Weinstein show a few eeks ago, because he takes a whole column to say what we did in 30 seconds:

That Abe Pollin may nort be the benevolent Mr Drummond character that we all assumed, but rather a profiteering robber baron who trades the lives of innocent inner-city children for an uptick in merchandising revenue.

After Honest Abe vowed the Wizards name change had nil to do with seeling jerseys, stores are selling out Jordan Bullets throwbacks faster than a rack of prime sterile bacon on a late summer day.

Maybe he sold his soul to Jordan, though if Jordan was smart, he would have asked for Abe Pollins soul, with the souls of Phil Chenier and Greg Ballard thrown in for good measure.

PAGE 2 has a hot and not list and says Jordan Bullets jerseys are hot, but SHEED BULLETS JERSEYS BE NOT!!!
SHeed jerseys though, like the sun, only get hotter, till they burn out.
I treasure my Sheed Jersey above all others. Its lends me psychic camouflage, and a breathable personality.
It inspires me indivuidualy, purposefully, medically, and artistically, as seen here, before and now, in the mixed media piece:

"FEAR POUCH" Rasheed Wallace Jersey with Dead Wallaby"




James - 1:21 PM


Tuesday, April 22, 2003

 
DOnt believe us about the "Dear Basketball " letter? See here.

The NYTimes, which ran the ad, also ran this article recently by Selena Roberts who the Wizznutzz desire for her prosely shapes.

Selena drops knowledge:
The ruthless character traits that defined Jordan's greatness with the Chicago Bulls turned him into an insufferable loser as a Wizard.

WOAH!!!!!

Not everyone in the game is beneath Jordan. There are reasonable facsimiles of Jordan's spirit......but none can reflect his dark psychology.

In the end, there was only a Wizards team relieved that the old man was moving out of the house. This wasn't the send-off of an icon, but a push-off on a disillusioned god.

Old Man Mules has moved out! Call up Rod! Break out the Champale!

ESPN had this piece recently about how valuable Old Man Adultry was to the universe.

It mentions how Jordan look-alike Lee Kealonhas made a great living. But Lee wrote a "Dear Basketball" letter recently, saying "we are even, Basketball",
going on to suggest that Basketball wasn't always so gentle with him, like when he spent the late '80s as a desitute Harvery Grant impersonator, selling his inaccurate body for drug monies.

Hey Wizznutzz, lets pay tribute to all those former teamates ripping it up in the Association tournie!!!!!!!!!!
Such as Big Ben, Sheed, CWebb, Robert Pack, Courtney ALexander, RIP Hamilton, Popeye Jones, Calvin Booth and Calbert Cheany.

My money is on Calbert, because he is destined, and because he had a role in the 1994 film, "Blue Chips" with Shaquille O'Neal, and his favorite movie is "Return of the Jedi" which is about Good and Incest and midget actors conquering over an evil empire.


James - 11:43 AM


Monday, April 21, 2003

 
So this weekend I see that Michael Jordan took out a full page ad in the NY Timnes, to write a heartfelt letter to....Basketball!!!!
If Salieri wrote this letter then Popeye Jones is my dad. And it wasnt even original. It was all about the 28 year "relationship" with Basketball and how bittersweet it was to breakup. The exact same sentiments of Juan Dixons open letter to "bacon" in the Orlando Sentinel last year.
"Basketball" was not available for comment, but if it was, "basketball" would be wise to say "you are making me uncomfortable. Its over Mike. Please don't conbtact me again."

A few links:
Tom Knott of Warslut Weekly laments the good ole days of Tyronne Nesby, Popeye Jones and Hubert Davis

and

The Post discusses the road ahead for Mr Drummonds Payroll.

Boy playoff ball is hard to watch without the Wizards, but the Omens were there weeks ago, that the wIzards season was soon to end.

These omens include:

1, Jordans moths.

As we reported on this site, at the staples center vs lakers a few weeks back, dave johnson on WTEM was reporting that there were giant moths loose in the building. .Of course we know moths symbolize the helplessness of desire, corruption and decay.

2. Rods Groin
Rod returned from a groin injury that had caused him to miss much the season. 5 minutes intop his first game back, Rod was out another groin.

3. Chico Debarge Releases his New Album


4. The Wizards team, a team in the hunt, don Bullets Jerseys.
Just like a sheep wearing a smaller, more frail sheep's clothing!




James - 5:47 PM


Thursday, April 17, 2003

 
AHHHH!!!
1st glorious day of antoher opffseason. Geez, all that pressure to "win" really soured things around the wizards camp these last few weeks. It was great to see Salieri step down, and the Wizartds play some FUN ball for once. Kwame clocked 40+ minutes!! His limbs playfully akimbo, turning it over, putting back scraps with JDix. The Wizards got back to the fun brand of ball we love!!! Ill believe this stuff about the thrill of winning when I see it, because like a good bullets fan, I have been raised to love the sideshow my friends.

And MJ ended his career with two free throws, which is a poignant and furtive analogy for his last two seasons with the Wizars: free throws!

This espn article takes a interesting lo0k at the last 24 hours of MJ. Some interesting bits:

On his way through the bus, Jordan gets a knuckle knock from several fellow Wizards, including head coach Doug Collins and assistant coach Patrick Ewing.
COllins "knucle knocking" MJ? SHeesh. Plain embarrassing.

Jordan reveals himself for the first time, during pregame warm-ups.
Wizrds executives tell sources MJ had "a below average Penis"

Quick George McCLoud update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: the former Wizard swingman invested his brothers substantial profits from crack cocaine! McCloud would be a great street name for Cocaine dont you think?

So lots of Jordanaires made pert pronouncements at the beginning of the season, with some even picking the Wizards to win the east! Another projection that flickered and died, was the widely accepted notion that MJs return to the NBA would take the spotlight of the young guys aka "the Kids" aka Grandchild Brown and The Fervent Five.

Oh so wrong that proved to be, because with every Steve Buckhantz "dagger" in the wizards season, the spotlight wasa turned very much on the sandlot boys. They shouldered the blame for everyhting: they were not desirous enough, or lacked respect or were not willing to learn. Not only did the Kids learn how to lose, they learned how to blame themselves for it too.

The future of Phantom Collins is under much debate right now. Coach Collins, the wizznutzz agree, is like a progressive Slave owner with abolitionism at his door..
Hes a decent master, struggling against the foreseeable forfeit of the the only lifestyle he has ever know.
He just cant understand why his slaves want freedom so bad.
"Im a fair master", he says "what is so great about freedom? You will see next year, slaves, when you get all that freedom, how you will rue the day you wished it, in your freedom loving chaos and disorder and lawless japery. We have a good order right now. It works. Why are you not happy? Am I not a good master? I feed and clothe you, and in exchange you put in a hard days work for me. I whip you just enough to remind you who is master and who is slave, those are the roles we have always had, its what keeps the everything together."

But as we said, Collins is a progressive Slave owner, and he WILL make the transition, as painful and incomprehensible as it is.
Now that his house negro Salieri is no longer able to carry the burden, he must do what is realistic to survive.

And boy next year looks to be a riot. Lots of learning and exploring of bodies and getting comfortable with the man next to you. Hopefully a big free agent will land here. Maybe even LeBron. Maybe Tracy Murray will come back home, for a farewell tour. Somehow, we only have a few million dollars under the cap.
Even with the LORENZO CLOCK winding to a close!!!

BNack to projections, lets have a look back and see what we here at the Wizznutzz predicted, in this very diary:

Anyway, SO how is the season looking? Mike Wilbon has the Wizards winning the Division. ESPN has us coming 4th in the division, and SPorts Illustrated has us 5th in the COnference. They also gave CHristianj Laettner a PVR of 179, but Im not sure what thats all about.

And so its time for the WIZZNUTTZZ to step up, and make a few predictions of our own. I offer these:

Jerry Stackhouse: hell be getting 24pts a game, 2.9 apg, 3.9 rpg, and shooting 43% from the floor
MJ: 17.5 ppg, 3.8apg, 4 rpg, 40%
Juan Dixon: 4.2 ppg, 1.5 apg, 1.8rpg
Kwame: 9.8ppg, 8.6 rpg, and 1.7 bpg
Larry Hughes: 15ppg, 3apg, and 2.5 rpg
and Brendan Haywood: 7ppg, 7.1 rpg and 1.8 bpg

The Wizards will finish 45 and 37 good enough for the 6th spot in the playoffs!!!!!!!!



Hey, Not too bad I would say, except for that last part, but the season was young and so were we!
We will soon be revealing our OFFSEASON predictions for the wizards, and wow, we see some extraordinary things inn our magic balls, especially after a nose full of McCLoud!!!!



James - 8:20 PM


Wednesday, April 16, 2003

 
More Breaking news!!!
Juwan Howard's Journal!!!
His prose is deliberate, his pacing excellent, his moisture whisked from his skin and falling upon the word like small hands and rain!!

Juwanhoward.com is so very edutaining! Juwan likes Luther Vandross and All water sports! Way to go out out on a limb Juwan, heck who doesnt love those things!!

Of DC Juwan says : " I was very excited to be playing for the capital (Washington, DC) "
It is nice of him to put Washington DC in parantehses. Thats called "Giving Back"!!! So Juwan.

Email Juan (cyberjuwan@juwanhoward.com) and tell him why you are the number 1 Juwan fan!! If you can beat the wizznutzz that is!! We are your #1 fans, cyberjuwan, just look at this puzzle we made you, picturing you leading the franchise, represented as a tentative donkey, out of the capital (washiongton DC) and into the championships!!

James - 9:02 PM

 
Breaking NEWSS!!!!!!!

Ex-WIZ George Mccloud couldnt wait for the offseaon!!!
Mccloud, who we got in "The Whitnney Trade" (a great trade, and sometimnes its great to just say "The WHitney Trade" thorugh pursed lips)
ANyway, Mccloud is being invesitgated for involvement in a major DRUG RING!!!!

Man, that sounds serious!! but, Mccloud was probably just going after the bad guys undercover, like that time that the astrologer's wife was kidnapped, apparently by counterculture terrorists, but Mccloud solved it. So well follow this story with great interest1111

James - 8:39 PM

 
Well, this is it fellow fans, the last stand of Michael Jordan happening as I type! There really doesnt seem like anything more can be written about this. I mean he is hero to a nation that has more white sportswriters in stunted adolescence than it knows what to do with , for whom this comeback is like buying a 2004 Ford Mustang with airbags( for the old ones), and paying $250 for 2 tickets and a wolfgang puck pizza at the Stones last show at a smoke free arena (for the young ones) ......
cuz hes retired thrice, comback thrice, played young, played old, won 6 championships, worked the front office, made a movie with the tasmanian devil..... but there can never be too much analysis of this american hero and his Bobby-Bland personality , where there is No Love in the Heart of the City!!!

We at wizznutzz send Salirri a Juan DIxon Antispetic Bacon Dispenser and 12 AA batteries, but espn is not so understaetd:
of course espn is very geeked out. Their home page is all Sally, all the time. I bet they didnt even ask all these nebs to write, they showed up under the door, woith an empty kleenex boix. Heres a run down:

Mark STein kicks it off with some Jibba Jabba

Bill SImmons on Page 2, well hes downright hilarious. Such as when he says

You have the most competitive athlete of his generation, a guy who would have ripped Kwame Brown's heart out of his chest "Temple Of Doom"-style back in the day, and he's suddenly content to waste away his waning years with this motley crew? It was like Garry Shandling folding the great "Larry Sanders Show," then coming back three years later to launch a sitcom with Mario Lopez and the Olson Twins.

Then there is MJs top 40 Moments!!! But Im a bit confused as to why "Beating Bobby SImmons in bacon eating contest" and "has sex with strange white woman" didnt make the list.

Then there is MJs top commercials!!! Oddly absent, MJ speaking the words "SOmetimes Nature Gets it Wrong" when pitching a scented feminine product.

The nthere is talk of the future for MJ, stuff aboiut reacquiring equity, but nothing about reacquiring Kwamistice,

ANd Ric Beucher chimes in, with this line:
I just don't see how it helps Jordan, Wiz Prez, for his alter-ego to announce one more time how lame the rest of the current roster is. It's like Superman telling everyone what a rag the Daily Planet is. How's that going to help Clark Kent do his job?

and lots lots, oh there is ltos more, over at espn.
ANd tributes over at insidehoops, at at Foxsports here, here and gibberish here about trading Kwame.

And a Jordanfest 2k3 at USAtoday sports.

And the Washington Post, have plenty to say too:
Black man Michael "Black Michael Mann" Wilbon expresses disappointment at a piss-weak Jordan send-off at the MCI Center.
Everybody seems to agree the whole affair was Tres Boulez.

STeve Wyche talks about MJ and Mr Drummond sitting down this offseason and saying things to each other like "I still repspect you Michael" and "I feel uncomfortable with you taking pictures of me in this slight tarzan outfit, Sir"
Steve Wyche also suggests that if MJ dont come back, JStack would be happy, and that Wes Unsled, the Misses Garrett of the Association, might take over duties in her firm but wise ways.

And fave scribe Rachel Nichols writes finely and with vigor about a swamp of bitterness, and says such classical things like:

" When he plays his final game in Philadelphia tonight, it may not be about domination at all or even harmony; it may be an ending of self-discovery, of flexing a muscle one last time just to stretch its limitations."

If Salieri was so pent up to discover himslef, he could have learned from Kwame, who is coming into his supple and pert present!

and :

"All those guys who took away from their games this year are going to find out what he brought" when he retires, Collins said. "Be careful what you wish for."

Sounds like Phantom cant wait for us to lose agin next year!

And Kornheiser suits up in his wrestliong togs and takes aim at the Kwame bashers!

ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO much drama in the land of wizards these days. WOW the wizards are getting monster press, mostly cause of MJleaving anjd because the whole thing just turned into Falcon Crest. SO there will lots on analysis, and odes, incites and futuring to come soon on wizznutzz daily.

The offseason is our time to shine!!! what with all the "brass" getting together an being brassy with each other, and trading away things llike height and youth, scouting 10 day contract prospects, and drafting local guys real high. The summer is also the time for Rod STrickland to go a drinking!!!!

James - 7:53 PM


Friday, April 11, 2003

 
The wiz are playing tight in Miami with STack not playing? rug-burn? Kwames getting plenty of playing time, and doing just allright. Meanwhile our old buddy Rafer Allston is trying his best to lead toronto over Miluakeee. DOnt fear the Rafer, but respect him!

Another Ex-Wizard going to the playoffs!! We are best franchsie is nation for producing winners, but not keeping them! RIP speaks!

Juwan wants a olympic medal! Of course he does, cause hes prideful., and because he is a prolific child producer, and might need to sell it to keep his baby(s) in style!

And Lang Whitaker, over at SLAM links, who we love and show our love by stealing from regularly, said Kwame Brown on his throwback night threwback all the way to FREDERICK DOUGLASS!!! we'll add it to the separated at birth, thangs Lang!!



James - 8:50 PM


Thursday, April 10, 2003

 
WIZZNUTZZ ON WTEM RADIO SATURDAY< HIGH NOON!!! Muist see TV, for radio! Tune in online at wtem.com for incites and bacon!!!

How bout hose throwback jerseys. Sigh, though, as the bullets are shooting blanks from celibate rifles, and the magic number, well thats ONE.
Meanwhile, Saliieri has every intention ofusing thes last few games to evaluate talent, his own that is.

And think about his future.


Meanwhile, we will remember forever the throwback game, the chance to be a bullets fan once again. Except for that traitor Collins who was with the Sonics team that the Bullets beat for the Championship 25 years ago. Hes been plotting his revenge for so long hes twisted now, like Jason Patrick in the movie Sleepers when him and kevin bacon killl a teacher priest that raped them as kids. We too will be watching Sleepers this offseason, Coach Collins, we too....

Charlie Rosen is a Phantom Lover though, giving coach a B!!

James - 11:43 PM


Monday, April 07, 2003

 
Ken?? we hope so, we have "time sensitive" information that that was ken.
Christ.
Anyway, the wiz sportswriters are ayt a crossroads to be sure. Those ready to rip Sally and talk about Kwame and the Wizards future are dping so. While Those closest to Sally, like Uday Wilbon and "Chemical Stu" are holding tight, defiant to the end, hoping that his greatest miracle is still in store as wiz beat Celtics!!! and have a kind of soft schedule, so we too wizznutzz have hope.

And the rest are not quite sure what to say. Here are some things:

Tony Kornheiser:
And increasingly it looks like if Kwame Brown ever becomes a great NBA player, it may well be somewhere other than here. Brown is clearly intimidated by both Jordan and Doug Collins. The kid feels like everything he does is wrong in their eyes. It might not matter if Brown was the No. 15 pick in the draft, and they took him on a hunch. But Brown was the Wizards' first No. 1 overall pick in the draft ever. Eventually, he was to be the centerpiece of this team. Now he looks like something you store in the attic.
Heres the article THE END OF THE AFFAIR!!! POWERFUL !!
Wow, Kwame Brown in my attic, imagine! Like The man in the Attic with Neil Patrick Harris and Anne Archer and her white panties, and she keeps him as sex slave in 1910 attic, and Neil Patrick Harris doesnt use a body double, hes VERY KEEN! throughout, with visible method-arousal!!!:

"This is one of Norman Winski's later works. It shows maturity, talent and unique creative style. I first saw it on MOVIE OF THE WEEK, and again. I enjoyed as much or even more the second time I saw it. there are little hidden manings everywhere." !!!


Inside hoops is doing Salieri's Requiem
And So is David DuPree at USATODAY , (a smooth Gee we love him), though David Dupree is having his cake to eat too, as he couod save the "#1 MJ moment" for his leading wiz to playoffss (very clever)

But SCREW THAT!! CAUSE in 24 hours<KWAME WILL FINALLY BE A BULLETT!!!
Thats right, retro night!!! I fully expect Ken to do something brave and dangerous on this night. Maybe a pirate Sportscall throwback, and hopefully Dana will call in to Scotti Jackson, just like the old days!!

Kwame will nbe followiung the storied tradition of bullet #5's:

Juwan Howard
John Lucas
Dan Roundfield
Darrell Walker

ANd Haywood will be like 00 Duckworth and Salieri like Lil Tim Legler and CharlesJones!!! Evenj though hes more analgesic to Bernard King, on account of his knees, and abilitiy to shoot the ball with frrequency and ferevency!
Here you can see all the great bullets jerseys numbers!





James - 11:44 PM

 

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The Wizznutzz experts commentaries on the 2002-03 season. Updated frequently!!!