Hi everybody. It's Christopher again with another emergency blog to update you on the code-red situation with Dana and Ken. This we know for sure: they both have gone missing. Where? We're not sure right now, and we are rather frightened. We got a tense call from Ken, using Dana's cell phone, and he kept screaming "I'M EMBEDDED, I'M EMBEDDED, I'M EMBEDDED!" We could hear Dana whistling some R&B in the background and blurting, "Chico, I'm coming for ya..."
We think that both Dana and Ken have suffered nervous breakdowns and that they are making a beeline to the home of Chico DeBarge. We do not know this for sure, but we are making an educated guess based on this information about Dana and Rod Strickland's favorite singer:
KOCH Entertainment is proud to announce the release of the new Chico DeBarge album on March 25, 2003. After a 2 year hiatus Chico DeBarge returns to the musical scene with a new album, a new label and a new attitude. He wrote and produced FREE, a 12 track collection that plays like an odyssey into his heart and mind.
"The album's personal, it's just me expressing myself. I didn't try to be contrived; it's very true to what I'm going through," DeBarge confesses. Chico DeBarge has had numerous gold albums since the mid 80's both as a member of DeBarge and as a solo artist. In 2000 he and Motown respectfully parted ways and he quickly created his own label which enables him to call the shots on all levels and has now partnered with KOCH Records. "Going independent means having a destiny secured, you can only be a hot singer for so long and really what you achieved---a Gold album? You want to be able to set up a career where you can be 70 years old and still call the shots."
Dana was almost surely driven wild by the thought of a 70-year-old DeBarge singing some slow jams to her. She was already in a fragile state of mind and we fear that she convinced Ken, perhaps by drugging him with roofies or fried foods, that he needs to ride with her, in the car she calls "my tank of destiny," to find Chico before the world ends. If anyone sees a short black female with torn fishnets and one shoe riding shotgun in a 1972 El Camino driven by a tall white male with less than 2% body fat, please e-mail us as firstname.lastname@example.org. This is no joke.
CP - 10:58 PM