Well my friends, its the season eve. I may not have the exclamatory vigours of Dana V., nor her closet of nubile meshshirts, but what I lack there, I bring here: the keen analysts eye. Ive been up all week watching tape of the final preseason game and bring you these observations:

Where the hell was Juan Dixon? Clearly the Human-Bobblehead Doll doesnt figure too much into the early season plans. But mark my words: the little man will be like that monkey in the steven king story. I call him "Juan Shine", when Im feeling low. Try your best to bury him on the bench, throw him down a well---he'll return.

Kwame looked as hyperglycemic as ever. The Wizz havnt seena jump shot that gangly since the stylingzz of Jeff McInness. Kwame i s a spastic adonis out there and I love him. He makes me want to be a better man.

And how good is that Stackhouse trade looking now. Unlike Old-Weird-Hamilton, Stack will get to the line.

Did anyone else catch those shots of Patrick Ewing, staring off into space, thinking about a big plate of baked beans? MJ brought Patrick back for 2 reasons: to raise public relations profile, and to have someone around for he and Oak to swap Atlantic Starr LPs with. Thats it. Doug Collins isnt letting Patrick anywhere near these impressionable kids. Though word is Ewing will be allowed to shower with the team, which was his agents sole proviso.


And finally, some woman tried to blackmail Michael Jordan for having sex with her behind his wifes back. What was she thinking??? Thats like trying to blackmail Rod Strickland for eating a half smoke!!!! Look, Im all about fairness between the sexes, and all that, but Wiz: watch your backs: there are gold digazz about!!! Just ask Juwan and CWebb and Tracy Murray and Rod. SO no to the ladies, say YES to Tekken 4! It was a little bit disturbing to read that part of the court transcript though, where the woman testified that during sex, Michael would repeat over and over the phrase: "I still respect you Mister Pollin."


Anyway, SO how is the season looking? Mike Wilbon has the Wizards winning the Division. ESPN has us coming 4th in the division, and SPorts Illustrated has us 5th in the COnference. They also gave CHristianj Laettner a PVR of 179, but Im not sure what thats all about.

And so its time for the WIZZNUTTZZ to step up, and make a few predictions of our own. I offer these:

Jerry Stackhouse: hell be getting 24pts a game, 2.9 apg, 3.9 rpg, and shooting 43% from the floor

MJ: 17.5 ppg, 3.8apg, 4 rpg, 40%

Juan Dixon: 4.2 ppg, 1.5 apg, 1.8rpg
Kwame: 9.8ppg, 8.6 rpg, and 1.7 bpg
Larry Hughes: 15ppg, 3apg, and 2.5 rpg
and Brendan Haywood: 7ppg, 7.1 rpg and 1.8 bpg


The Wizards will finish 45 and 37 good enough for the 6th spot in the playoffs!!!!!!!!