WIZZNUTZZ Daily

2003-10-29T19:19:00.000-05:00

wie gefällt Ihnen Apfel !!!!! Head on over to the New and imprioved WIZZNUTZZ site! Designed by germans! HERE IT IS!@!!!

2003-10-24T18:15:00.001-04:00

I hope u enjoyed those Shamgoddities! heres a few more quick links and a heartfelt message. Go Juwan Howard !! And the Toronto Star has a PENTRATING piece on the change in the wizards since Herr Salieri left on his fiery mule. My favorite parts is when they talk about Michael Jordan rubbing kwame brown raw!!!!, and aslo how the "dark murals" have been removed from outside the locker room.

2003-10-24T17:56:00.000-04:00

GOD SIGHTED. JAHIDI bleeds garlic sauce from eyes! Preseason GOD SHAMGOD Updates! As reported lasy year on wizznutzz.com, "The Shamgod" has become one of street balls most desirous maneuvers!! Check it out here and here And read the touching story about the white florida teen who calls himself "PALE RYDA" and uses the Shamgod to elicit comparisons to a young Clint Eastwood! CHeck out the

2003-10-23T07:05:00.000-04:00

Wizards coach E Jordan is tired of "soft play." STACKHOUSE TELLS G-WIZZ SAME THING, ASKS TO FIRM UP, ADD MORE AIR TO SUIT, STOP WEARING MESH! "I don't want to accept soft play," mR. dR., jOrdan said. Jerjer Binkshouse was more forceful in demanding his partner's tumescence: "If you don't play hard, I'm taking the shiv! I will be out of your rotatingtion, and you will be left with G-Man, a

2003-10-22T18:58:00.000-04:00

AP scoops Steve Wyche, for first interview with ABE POLLIN since asking Salieri to leave the circle of friendship!! Its an OK piece. The best bit is when Abe says: ``I had made my decision ... and that was it,'' Pollin said. ``I felt by sticking to my decision, I would have less embarrassment for him because if I had made him lay out some of his plans that he had maybe in mind that he was going

2003-10-22T18:47:00.000-04:00

Jerry Takes A Shiv CLEVELAND, Oct. 22 -- Washington Wizards leading scorer Jerry Stackhouse came out of right knee surgery Tuesday with a less cluttered joint and an undetermined timetable as to when he'll be back on the court. (read more...) Jerry, if you wanted an "uncluttered joint", i know a DOCTOR WALLACE who is always taking new patients!!!!!! Baldpatch Adams!!! : Patients beware...

2003-10-22T15:35:00.000-04:00

Happy 29th Brithday Jeff McInnis!! Wow how the years have flown by. It seems like just yesterday I was cheering your double pumping playground ways. A special birthday card from all of us as wizznbutzz.com, especially the new guy from Finland: he picked the artwork because he thought it would remind you of growing up black in america!!

2003-10-21T18:50:00.000-04:00

OUR GOD IS STRONGER THAN THEIR GOD!!!!:I myself elected today to exercise my option to touch myself expressivley and with purpose at the magnificent thought of Kwames rippling and furtive body continuing to matyure into manhood before my eyes!!!!!

2003-10-21T18:44:00.000-04:00

Jerry STACK goes under the knife in New York today. FLame retardant lifemate GWiz at his side, along with friends Howie Mandell and Ruth Ginsberg. Wizznutzz sources uncovered the following from J STACKS medical file::Doctors report that Jerry Has "Internal Derrangement"!!!! Salieri's poison is strong!Former bullet Rod STrickland knows your PAIN JSTack. Lets go back in a wizznutzz time capsule to

2003-10-20T19:11:00.000-04:00

Touching words from Captain Mitchell Butler!!! BET head Robert Johnson took a few minutes out of his networks wall-to-wall KOBE coverage to hire his old friend and our old coach Bernie Butterstaffs!!! AND I QUOTE!!!! The 58-year Bickerstaff previously led turnarounds in Washington, Denver and Seattle. "He has always been a type of person who has moved teams who are in worse shape, and

2003-10-15T20:18:00.000-04:00

Thanks you Mr. Darvin for the warm greeting. Warm isn't something I used to coming from ROMANIA (not Russia, though they did occupy us like Jahidi occupies a booth or two at Bends Childi Bowl for some 42 years, so no I not bitter about inglorious mistake, you Mr. Ham), but I thanks you anyways. Here is info on ROMANIA from the CIA, Mr. Darvin and I hopes enjoy you. Unlike like you knowledge, I

2003-10-15T18:49:00.000-04:00

AWESOME NILS LOFGREN INTERVIEW ON THE ORIGINS OF AWESOME "BULLETS FEVER" SONG: AS: What made you write a song - "Bullet Fever'' - for the Washington Bullets? NL: Back in '79, when the Bullets were making a run for the title they won, they were the last seed. Their first game, they beat Philly in overtime, and I was so inspired, I wrote this song at night at my rental home in Maryland. Went

2003-10-15T18:36:00.000-04:00

Welcom YURGI! We love the Russian people. Your empire had some good ideas, like dogs in space and short life expectancy. It didnt work out, but now you casn join with us!!!! Like this man SANGEET. It is YOU that will get Zapped Sangeet! 3 animated gifs and alot of zzzz's is a good start but the world moves fast and forward, and sleeping Sangeet catches no fish. As Comorade Lorenzo Williams

2003-10-14T22:24:00.000-04:00

Buna ziua all of you people of Wizards fans!!! I am Yurgi Arginzoniz, from Romania, but you can call me Yurgi---or Balki, as Jarrko does---and I am also too intern for WizzNutzz this year. I hope to work with Jarrko very much and bring you updates and incites into the basket of balls. Even though Jarrko is pure blond and highly white and shaven pure and from the great north and partial to

2003-10-13T19:22:00.000-04:00

Well Basketball sure has become an International sport, and is great to see that reflected in our interns, who we should all embrace so that they feel like one of us except foreign. And so that leads me to a major incite about basketballs most physically and otherwsie ambitous internatrional characters: Incite About Basketballs Most Physically and Otherwsie Ambitous International Characters It

2003-10-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

Happy to the Columbus Day from Jarrko of Finland! You americans are so dumb celebrating a man who didn't discover america!!!! America was discoverd way before columbus brought the euro flu here!! First you have the Natives who looked under their feet and saw America and FOUND. Then vikings were in america 500 years before Nina Pinta Santa Maria (who i watched on Spectravision last night!!!)

2003-10-12T22:31:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, it's Christopher. It's exciting times around here at the WizzNutzz offices. We have a lot of interns coming in this fall. Yes, Dana and Ken promise to chime in now and then, but frankly we're not sure where they're at---mentally or physically (although I understand Ken still has less than 2% body fat). You've already met Jarkko Ruutu, our Finnish intern (he's enthusiastic, but

2003-10-12T09:07:00.000-04:00

Jarkko wears investigative hat!!! Finds information!!! AND WHALE MEAT IN WIZZ LOCKER ROOM!!! Here's breaked news I finds!!! Gilbert Aereola wears lowcut shoes on court!!! BUT NOT BASKETBALL SHOES!!! He wear lowcut ROCKPORTS for added orthepedic comfort and additional ankle range!! Lorenzo williams recommends it sayings "see how it work for me at camp lorenzo!!!!" YES!!! ME TOO!!! I FINd You

2003-10-10T23:50:00.000-04:00

Hi It Jarkko!!! I watch preseason Wizzards game!! On 15 gins and tonics!! Someone lost and some one!!!! Jer Jer Binks Stinkhouse score nothing cuz his knee sore like a longterm project LORENZO WILLIAMS!!!! HE BE BACK!! Like nazi governor Schwartzenegat!!! I LOVE WHALE MEAT AND OXYCOtton!!!! rUSH LIMNBAUGH IS SO DAMN RIGHT!! LAPLAND I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-10-08T21:06:00.000-04:00

Hi! My name is Jarkko Ruutu! I am Finish exachange student and new WizzNutzz intern who love the basketball sport of NBA! Finland is Scandanavian country and we have pro basket of balls but it no NBA compare!! HA HA!! Here Finland pro league info. Your favorite team Jyväskylä? Mine too! Not really!!! My favorirte team is Jyväskylä II!! Douche bag!! (Wizzntuzz team me swear words in

2003-10-08T19:31:00.000-04:00

So the Wiz looked pretty fleet of foot last night, with one glaring exception!!!: The disgracefully thickset rookie Jarvis Hayes! jarvis is huge; hes has a ponderous profile, he's a STOUT BITCH!!! WHile the Wizards were out there Getting the W, Jarvis was Gettin The Butter!!!!! Dont believe me? If the restless trail of garlic sauce and onions that he dragged behind him on the court wasnt

2003-10-07T22:35:00.000-04:00

hi it's me DANA VON POST GAME CALL IN SHOW GIRL!!! BACk from chasing chico debarge acorss the united of states and the western plains all the way to the deepest part of chiapas mexico!!!!!!!!!!!! ken beatrice, my trusty kidnapped assistaNT and former famous host of sportstalk radio in DC before Steve Czban started calling people gay (WHO AREN'T NOT!!!), is now a revolutionary with the

2003-10-07T22:17:00.000-04:00

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME BASKETBALL???!! Oh what a night! The Wizards debut their new up-tempo offense vs Magic Lamp and the Knicks and right off the bat you could tell this is gonna be an improvement over last years "Even Gait Offense". Thhheeeeeeeee......WIZARDS WIN! Kwame steals from Sweetney! Kwame Blows layup! LAMPe fouls Kwame again! Kwame blows free throws! O-Town, LBoogie, JStack all

2003-10-06T18:21:00.000-04:00

SOme quality news to report as the Veterans aka Chris Whitney and Sister Christian report to CAmp! First of all, did you all peep Gilbert Arenas aka O-Town in this months SLAM magazine???? Gilbert drops knowledge, and pants! Best of all, lots of so-fresh big color glossys of OTown in a retro Bullets "0" jersey, looking sullen and suggestive! Increase the Peace! Say no to bullets and handguns

2003-10-03T19:00:00.000-04:00

Where the HELL ARE THIE WIZZNUTZZZ??!!! We get asked this on the street everyday, and even though we hang out in the kind of places where people may ask you questions,... i forgot how to wirte a HWOLE SENTENCE!!!! which means the season is upon us like the protein rich sweat of Jahidi White AKA HIDI DUBS!!!! Check back monday, because Ive got a whole trunk of junk, links, pink bits, moistworks,

2003-09-03T18:26:00.000-04:00

And some little links!: Chris Whitney is back where he belongs! The final Bullet!! with his patented hands off approach to point guarding!!! Welcome back to the moist fold CWHIT! Allen Iverson wears Unseld delicates on the world stage! More Bullets fly!! Calbert Cheaney lives another day! "terms of the deal were not released" Here are the terms of the deal. Warriors give Calbert $100 each

2003-09-03T16:11:00.000-04:00

Hey, thanks to "J" for visiting with the lonely but powerful GAR HEAR ROBOT: j: Have you ever been to Tijuana? Gar Heard: Really? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- j: What? Gar Heard: I don't know what. Can you tell me? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- j: Tijuana, the Mexican City. Have you been

2003-09-03T13:13:00.000-04:00

Chris Webber's "Gangsta Gangsta" video here!!! (search under videos) CWebb front. Front Webb, front!! "Featuring LV" CWebb used Abe Pollins money to buy the rights to Laid Back's "White Horse", money that could have gone to help built the security wall around Jerusalem!!! The song should say "feat. APollin". or at least he could have made a video showing CWebb videotaping himself making out with

2003-08-19T19:06:00.000-04:00

SAY IT AINT SO KWAME! I didnt believe it at first. but then two things in the story were so true, i had to face it: 1. "...failure to maintain a lane" SO TRUE 2. "He cooperated fully with everything," additionally SO TRUE When i read those statements that so evoke the manchild it was like I was there. But I wasnt. "....Brown, who had at least one other passenger in the vehicle...." BUT WHO

2003-07-29T18:46:00.000-04:00

Insidehoops.com calls Jarvis Hayes aka Bangers And Mash aka JarJar Links aka "The SHpeherd" a "DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH"!!!. We soo agreee with you insidehoops.com, JARV is a diamond, but whats so rough about NBA lottery picks? WIZARDS SCHEDULE released!!!!. We open in Chicago, where clubhouse general Kwame Brown will step it up 50% as he always does to vanquish his fierce roval Tyson Chandler.

2003-07-28T18:46:00.000-04:00

The WIZARDS ARE the ROCKETS OF THE EAST!!!!???? Thanks to Gilbert "I Call Him Gilby Franchise" Arenas!!! Only 1 week left until Mr Pollin's adoption papers clear, and unlike the Willis and Arnold thing, where he just took them off a basketball court into his limo and never looked back, this ones all-legal!!!! Not in this wizznutzz life time have we beat our other teams on free-agency. Sure

2003-07-16T17:41:00.000-04:00

Summer League Box SCores akimbo!!! Kwame is hitting his stride! He saves his summer league energy till the crunch games later in the week because he like to step it up, as the teams new leader! SOme WIZZNUTZZ EXCLUSIVES on the newest members of the Wizards family: 1. JARVIS HAYES He's described as a young Mitch Richmond!!! If Wes wasn't currently passed out in a duck blind at this exclusive

2003-07-15T15:56:00.000-04:00

The Summer of 2003 is all about nothing if not torpor and mischief, if not the restless ways under the offseason veil. The glorious deep-toned summer brings fresh trouble to the wizznutzz RAp Sheet: FATHER OF THE YEAR Jerry Stackhouse grabbed a Hick Betty. She tried to evict J-Stack and his 47 children from a family weekend at ATlantic Beach. And now he is being accused of aggravating stuff.

2003-07-11T16:30:00.000-04:00

Breaking news, if not for lamentable technology of wizznutzz.com!!! Summer league drama!!!!!! aka JUNKYARD WARS!!! The Wizards played their first summer league game and the resultds proive what we already know: that this will be one entertaining season!! Tis oine had it all: reuniting 2 former Terps teammates who are undersized, were overdrafted and can't shoot from the ouside: Steve Blake, the

2003-07-07T19:02:00.000-04:00

goddam blogger.com is killing this wizznutzz franchise!!!!! Email blogger.com and says: "We want our wizznutzz incites timely and now!!" Even moistest milquetoast goes stale eventually. it took us 2 weeks to publish this last post but check it out!!! WIzznutzz predicted the 2003 wizards draft!! LOTS more to come, now that we are no longer betrayed by Salieri and blogger.com. Stay tuned!

2003-06-26T19:05:00.000-04:00

dog days of summer for the wizznutzz. its hard to sleep with a police scanner on. the weather is purposeful and brooding and hangs about like Ike Austin at a wild world wave pool. We have lost most of our offseason interns to more attractive summer jobs at rthe Charles Oakley carwash. the draft is tonight. But first, check out T-NESand Kid Rock!!!! Then crawl inside the turgid mind of tyrone

2003-06-08T19:54:00.000-04:00

I fear this may be my last post. Dana has taken me south of the border, to a town she is calling "Debarge" but which I swear is Tijuana because of all the whores and tequilla and signs that say "Tijuana." We are to meet some people later who swear they will take us out to the desert, as long as we bring all our valuables, and show us where "El Debarge" is hiding out. I keep telling Dana this

2003-06-04T19:20:00.000-04:00

its great to hear from you ken, even though the circumstances are less than favorable. still, with ken, no news is bad news. Anyway, we still need a coach and a GM and a preisdent of basket ball operations and someone to work the pump on GWizs mascot corrective girdle, after Larry Brown laughed at our offer to do all 4 of these and play some point. I say sure, LArry Brown has some credibility,

2003-06-02T06:52:00.000-04:00

Hey everyoen, i'm weary and tire.d.. dana has been driving us for days on end,..the chatter from that woman is nonstop and highpitched and she wont stop crying then laughing and debarging. i dont' know to escsape. i'm ascared. But i don't want to let my wizznutz reader(s) down and so i link and post this: from our pal Terry Foster of the Det news on why Pistons fired Rick Carlysieiey in favor

2003-05-30T15:54:00.000-04:00

BREAKING NEWS!!!! Coach Collins is OUT! MJs mature white companion is no more. KwameKiller To spend time ruining his GAY SONs life for a change!!!! Kwames skin shows unprecedented imrpovement!!!! Larry Brown being pursued by Mr Drummond like a white Dudley!!!! Brown Don't Frown! Brown Don't Frown! The Browns, Larry and Kwame. Kwame means "Saturday" Larry means "Play Hard Get Rewarded with

2003-05-22T18:58:00.000-04:00

Big night for the wizards franchise tonight. the draft lotterry!!!! Heres espns mock draft (click on "Lebron Mock Draft") and here is nbadraft.net's!!! I gotta say Abe "MR DRUMMOND" Pollinl,, 14 ping pong balls in 1000 aint easy odds. This isnt like picking a couple a black sons out of a housing project!!! But if we dont go top 3, theres plenty of cunning talent set against a backdrob of

2003-05-16T19:02:00.000-04:00

TONIGHT, ON A VERY SPECIAL WIZZNUTZZ...... James asked me to post this for him!!! Thanks for thoughs james!! Keep on believin!!! 25 years ago, I was a happy inncoent 8 year old kid, full of promise, full of dreams. I was Happily looking forward to my first kiss. My dream was to be race car driver, or at least a bank manger with a trendy Mazda. And I decided that when I grew I would eat bacon

2003-05-11T07:53:00.000-04:00

This quote is from our favorite Oriole, the oft injured Jay "Choppers" Gibbons: "I'm totally healthy, but I have a completely different body. I'll be fine. I just have to get used to it." THAT'S WHAT WE KEEP TELLING KWAME, THE SUPPLEST MANCHILD IN WIZZDUM!!! NEVER STOP LOOKING AT THE CHANGES, CHARTING THE CHANGES, AND ADMIRING THE CHANGES IN YOUR BODY!!! PLIANCY IS FOR EVERYONE!!!

2003-05-09T18:58:00.000-04:00

a FRESH INCITE: Abe Pollin may run his franchises like a economically insolvent plantation, but he is NO racist! He has a lieutenant, who is not only black, but threateningly so! He also has a female lietenant Susan "Sally Hennings" O'Malley, who, though not black is a woman, and as Dana pointed out, "WOmen are the New Blacks". And Micahel Jordan can never be the victim of white racism, because

2003-05-09T18:38:00.000-04:00

SO the world is finally listening to the wizznutzz views reviews fiery attitudes! we give a critical self-inventory, of others --here!!. daily! And The media has taken notice: SPortsfanmagazine.com has reporodcued our cutting incites Award winning SPorts fan magazine , the Esquire of Green Turtle toilets, has paid us great respects before, like in their superwritten superfan profile. Thanks

2003-05-09T00:07:00.000-04:00

Washignton Wizzards fired Illinois-based executive Michael Saleri Jordan!!! NEws at 11!! 10 pm central time, where me and Dana are!!! John Thompson alleges racial bias on his radio show!!!! Salieri's awful performance as an executive not withstanding!!! And Michael Black thanksgiving Wilbon implies racial bias, and tells the Orangeman Tony "I Used to Be a Writer, Now I Hack" Kornheiser that

2003-05-07T17:28:00.000-04:00

FROG DUMPS PRINCESS!!! Salieri leaves the wizards, angry and in a hurry! As promised here are some incites into the maelstrom of emotions and power that have been taking place. Everybody has incites right now, but we promise we don’t use the phrase “scratch an itch” once in ours!!!! But instead original phrases such as “I still respect you bacon” First of all I admit I thought Mister Jordan

2003-05-07T12:37:00.000-04:00

BREAKING NEWS!!!! HEARD HEAR FIRST!!! ON THE RADIO! Wizznutzz report that Michael Jordan is NOT coming back!!!! Hes one the RedLine to SHady Grove as we speak!! Woaw! Stay tuned here for incites!!

2003-05-05T10:03:00.000-04:00

THE RIFT WIDENS!!! No, that's not what Dana's prom date said to her after three vodka/tonics, it's what's happening in WizzLand!! MY SOARCES ARE COMING TO FRUITION, AND SO ARE MY LOINS!!! Put on your seatbelts, and strap in for more Links than the last three Legend of Zeldas combined! Here's the NY Times story that kicked it all off. Here are some of the highlight revelations: In the season's

2003-05-03T23:56:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! Me and Dana are our searching the midwestern plains for the elusive prey known only as DEBARGE, or as Dana likes to call him "that beautiful fucking man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I have breaking news from here in the plains states, as told to me BY MY SOARCES!!!!!! Are tyou ready? SALIERI IS GOING TO LEAVE THE WIZARDS!!!! GOD IS GOOD!!! We already know that

2003-04-30T18:25:00.000-04:00

The slow days of summer are upon us and thoughts of an greasy Jahidi White bobbing among the waves like a bloated month-old whale carcass in the sun competes for my thoughts, just as the smells of bacon and anti-freeze compete for my noses attention. Many of you may know that, we the wizznutz, entered "SEA DOGS" into the naming competition that Black-hatter Abe Pollin held a few years back. ANd

2003-04-25T19:09:00.000-04:00

And now, a Great Moment In Bullet's Punditry: Nov. 25, 1999 By Jason Langendorf Associate Editor Basketballnews.com Write it down: Gar Heard is the best thing to happen to Washington this decade.

2003-04-25T19:05:00.000-04:00

Untitled salieri is an old man salieri is successful in his time salieri is a court musician salieri is not able to recognise and accept divine irony salieri is dracula salieri is filled with bitterness and envy salieri is in the hopeless situation of a man incurably infatuated with his greatest enemy salieri is a man who is obviously crazy salieri is both devastated and enthralled

2003-04-24T13:21:00.000-04:00

Congratulatiuonsn to Robert Pack and his 5 hard fouls last night against the Sixers. And to Rod Strickland who for my money, is the Ace of Diamonds in the TWolves Lakers series. Dave McKenna at Cheap Seats must have been listening to the Bram Weinstein show a few eeks ago, because he takes a whole column to say what we did in 30 seconds: That Abe Pollin may nort be the benevolent Mr Drummond

2003-04-22T11:43:00.000-04:00

DOnt believe us about the "Dear Basketball " letter? See here. The NYTimes, which ran the ad, also ran this article recently by Selena Roberts who the Wizznutzz desire for her prosely shapes. Selena drops knowledge: The ruthless character traits that defined Jordan's greatness with the Chicago Bulls turned him into an insufferable loser as a Wizard. WOAH!!!!! Not everyone in the game is

2003-04-21T17:47:00.000-04:00

So this weekend I see that Michael Jordan took out a full page ad in the NY Timnes, to write a heartfelt letter to....Basketball!!!! If Salieri wrote this letter then Popeye Jones is my dad. And it wasnt even original. It was all about the 28 year "relationship" with Basketball and how bittersweet it was to breakup. The exact same sentiments of Juan Dixons open letter to "bacon" in the Orlando

2003-04-17T20:20:00.000-04:00

AHHHH!!! 1st glorious day of antoher opffseason. Geez, all that pressure to "win" really soured things around the wizards camp these last few weeks. It was great to see Salieri step down, and the Wizartds play some FUN ball for once. Kwame clocked 40+ minutes!! His limbs playfully akimbo, turning it over, putting back scraps with JDix. The Wizards got back to the fun brand of ball we love!!! Ill

2003-04-16T21:02:00.000-04:00

More Breaking news!!! Juwan Howard's Journal!!! His prose is deliberate, his pacing excellent, his moisture whisked from his skin and falling upon the word like small hands and rain!! Juwanhoward.com is so very edutaining! Juwan likes Luther Vandross and All water sports! Way to go out out on a limb Juwan, heck who doesnt love those things!! Of DC Juwan says : " I was very excited to be

2003-04-16T20:39:00.000-04:00

Breaking NEWSS!!!!!!! Ex-WIZ George Mccloud couldnt wait for the offseaon!!! Mccloud, who we got in "The Whitnney Trade" (a great trade, and sometimnes its great to just say "The WHitney Trade" thorugh pursed lips) ANyway, Mccloud is being invesitgated for involvement in a major DRUG RING!!!! Man, that sounds serious!! but, Mccloud was probably just going after the bad guys undercover, like

2003-04-16T19:53:00.000-04:00

Well, this is it fellow fans, the last stand of Michael Jordan happening as I type! There really doesnt seem like anything more can be written about this. I mean he is hero to a nation that has more white sportswriters in stunted adolescence than it knows what to do with , for whom this comeback is like buying a 2004 Ford Mustang with airbags( for the old ones), and paying $250 for 2 tickets and

2003-04-15T07:53:00.000-04:00

Hey evyerboyd!!!! IT"S KEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me and Dana spent the night at Big Buck last night watching the Salieri's last home game as a Bullett !! Big Buck is in Michigan near the Palace of Auburn Hills and it's the official bar of the WizzNutzz!!! Dana wanted to come to Michigan becuase she's CONVINCED that's where Chico Debarge is nearby, actually, in Flint, Michigan!!! I mentioned to Dana, "

2003-04-11T20:50:00.000-04:00

The wiz are playing tight in Miami with STack not playing? rug-burn? Kwames getting plenty of playing time, and doing just allright. Meanwhile our old buddy Rafer Allston is trying his best to lead toronto over Miluakeee. DOnt fear the Rafer, but respect him! Another Ex-Wizard going to the playoffs!! We are best franchsie is nation for producing winners, but not keeping them! RIP speaks!

2003-04-11T00:07:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone!! It's me Ken again stinking of Stockholm AND LOVING IT!!! Unfortuantley Dana smelled "public access terminal" on me a whipped me for leaving the DeBarge lookout tower she contstructed out of discarded Juan Dixon Antiseptic Bacon Dispensers!! I LOVED IT!! Yes, yes I'm straying again and blogging and risking more rewards, but I'm also dedicated to my Wizznutzz readers as well as

2003-04-10T23:43:00.000-04:00

WIZZNUTZZ ON WTEM RADIO SATURDAY< HIGH NOON!!! Muist see TV, for radio! Tune in online at wtem.com for incites and bacon!!! How bout hose throwback jerseys. Sigh, though, as the bullets are shooting blanks from celibate rifles, and the magic number, well thats ONE. Meanwhile, Saliieri has every intention ofusing thes last few games to evaluate talent, his own that is. And think about his

2003-04-09T22:49:00.000-04:00

hi everydoy ity's KEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm with Dana nd we are lookign dfor Chico Debarge and it's not going welll! Not the part about me being with Dana!1 Dana is the best she';s so nice she's so kind she's so perfectly formed and litter-free just like Dear Old Stockholm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it here in Sweden in my mind and Dana is the great benevelolent queen of all that is good even when she

2003-04-07T23:44:00.000-04:00

Ken?? we hope so, we have "time sensitive" information that that was ken. Christ. Anyway, the wiz sportswriters are ayt a crossroads to be sure. Those ready to rip Sally and talk about Kwame and the Wizards future are dping so. While Those closest to Sally, like Uday Wilbon and "Chemical Stu" are holding tight, defiant to the end, hoping that his greatest miracle is still in store as wiz beat

2003-04-06T14:48:00.000-04:00

TOM Friend is MY FRIEND n kwamE'S friend! It's the Phantom's Fault!! HE KIDNAPPED ME TOO! NOT DANA!! STOCKHOLM IS SOOOOO SUNNY, I LOVE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-04-04T23:21:00.000-05:00

Some more fallout from the wizards loss. The Baltimore Sun describes the life of Sailieri as a "cracked door", that the Hakws bursts through it, or something. The GunSluts over at the Washington Times, though, have an article on Kwame that is SO RIGHT ON!!! Some highlights of this article include this choice words: But now, with Jordan's vision in considerable doubt and the Wizards ready to

2003-04-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

4 in a row!!!! The playoff run continues!!! Sally saves his last dance for the fourth, tries to tsake team and ego upon his shoulders, drains all sorts of shots, corralls 14 boards!!! Wiz Lose!! Darvin ham held scoreless, but contributes many fouls, turnovers, and comci releif!!! The Hawks fire their GM, then beat the Wixards and there player/GM. Thats it!! Wizznutzz concede the season even

2003-04-01T23:23:00.000-05:00

Big NEWS!!!: WOW: MIKE JORDAN TO CAOCH UNC!!!!!!! Bigger news!!! Jospehe Forte pleasures himself in the shower by singing a ballad to Brendan Hayowood and Salieriri, gets himself suspended, us aroused!! Just one, enormous black man singing a naked sudsy ode to fellow tar heels, whats all the fuss??!!. Please break your code of silence JForte, and tell us the lyrics!!!! SO we can all sing as

2003-04-01T16:02:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the infrequent updates everyone. We've been worried sick about Ken and Dana. We haven't heard from them in days---and then we saw this news report. We fear that this deed was perpetrated by Ken and Dana. Developing....

2003-03-28T15:57:00.000-05:00

Lots to talk about right now, the wizards are at the half against the Lakers, and Kobe Bryant has 42 points, so beware thje Ides of Wilbon tomorrow, the Black Michael Mann, waxing homoerotic about Salieri and Kobe, father and son "mark my words" our dear Ken would say, maybe he is saying, somewhere, somewhere in abetter place I hope. Some other exciting developemnts tonight: First, sopeaking of

2003-03-27T23:24:00.000-05:00

Its really worrying about Dana and Ken.They are just a couple of good kids, or a good kid and an old man with one shoe and raidal psychosis. When I saw on espn.com today 2 stories side-by-side my heart jumped and I thought of those two. But Luckily Dana turned out not to be at The Kirby Puckett trial and Ken had nothing to do with the incident in Sactown. The Wiz win an improbable second time

2003-03-26T22:58:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody. It's Christopher again with another emergency blog to update you on the code-red situation with Dana and Ken. This we know for sure: they both have gone missing. Where? We're not sure right now, and we are rather frightened. We got a tense call from Ken, using Dana's cell phone, and he kept screaming "I'M EMBEDDED, I'M EMBEDDED, I'M EMBEDDED!" We could hear Dana whistling

2003-03-26T08:16:00.000-05:00

I have just found out that James and Christopher have been making great strides in making marekting arrangements on behalf of wizznutzz, and there leatest endeavour is so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Check it out fans, investors, asians: THE IKE AUSTIN CHEESEBOOT!!!!! I bet you wondered why Ike is never mentioned on our site!! Now it makes sense, because of contract obligations, but now its all

2003-03-26T07:59:00.000-05:00

There have been some serious developments at wizznutzz yesterday. I feel it would be best left to Christopher or James to make statement regarding Ken and Dana. We are trying very hard to try and locate them. All we have to go one right now that I can mention is Danas strange cell phone bill, and a very lengthy and disturbing receipt from Home Depot that we found by kens chair. Again I feel it

2003-03-24T23:07:00.000-05:00

I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A MULE I AM A

2003-03-23T06:51:00.000-05:00

And here is a powerful statement anout Juwan Howard. Wew always loved Juwan, cause hes a professional, you can tell it from his scowling ways. Why did you all boo him so bad? Now Juwan will never come back!! Is that what you wanted? You want to boo, boo Lorenzo Williams!!!!!!! Hes practically a cripple!!!HAHAHAHA!! Psike! I love you L-Dub, even if you are less 'Benzo and more Legzz a' kimbo.

2003-03-23T06:42:00.000-05:00

I just keep rereading this article. Its so complex, like an onion, or a shepherds pie with onions. It invites further reading. Last time through, I noticed a few things that stuck with me, hung around like onions on a donkey. 1.: "Everybody wants to be treated the same," Jordan said, almost in scolding terms. "Unfortunately, everybody's not the same. You don't have 12 Michael Jordans in this

2003-03-22T09:42:00.000-05:00

Hi, it's Ken, and I'm back to blog! It's my blog! I've been feeling so-so as of late. I don't think the Mothering Hut charges have worn off so much as I've been staying awake for 23 hours a day scouting the war. I'm feeling edgy and more than a little worn out, yet I refuse to sleep too much for fear of possibly missing out on an athletic feat of war (I hear General Tommy Franks is a

2003-03-22T05:14:00.000-05:00

Kwame Brown, Taxes, smart stuff. Look what Jordan did to poor Steve Gilbert! Last night Alex Rodriguez of the Texas Rangers, who are training in Arizona for the first time this preseason, was courtside. He waved and Jordan returned the salute when Jordan missed a jumper from his side but was fouled and made two free throws. you Men! Will Jerry STackhouse be back??? (Also, I want that tall

2003-03-22T04:04:00.000-05:00

ANother wizards flop and more pot calling the kettle black narcissuss. After the game MJ says: "I told them at halftime. I'm not going to try to carry the team," Jordan continued. "I'm going to move the ball, draw the attention and get you the ball. You shoot it, you score it, I go rebound and try to play defense, but don't expect me to try to put an 'S' on my chest and go out and play for these

2003-03-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

Hello, everybody. It may be your show, but this is my blog! I am Ken the Intern, fresh from the Mothering Hut and a field trip to see the Wizards lose to the Pistons, thanks to our good friend and dirty uncle, Mr. Pete Sweigard, who did the interview with us for SportsFan Magazine! Here's a photo I took of Dirty Uncle Pete (he's the one with the helpful "P" on the hat) with Christopher (left)

2003-03-19T17:33:00.000-05:00

Well I think it was was very professional of Christopher to let eveyone know qhat we here at wizznutzz have known for the last few weeks: that Dana was crying for help, and with all of our help I think she will be getting it. Its beeen a very tough few weeks at the wizznutzz: the wizards are struggling, Kwame is ploitting his defection on the bench, and the war too. But we will do our part to

2003-03-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

Hello WizzNutzz readers. My name is Christopher. Along with James and our interns, I help run WizzNutzz.com. James and I never post to the blog because we've always felt this is our interns' little corner in the WizzNutzz dynasty. Besides, we are too busy to deal with the daily updates and links because we are in the process of developing business agreements for various WizzNutzz enterprises.

2003-03-14T20:08:00.000-05:00

Oh my everybody!!!! We wizznutzz interns have a veritible cornicrapia of updates and links today!!! Lucky you!! Moist me!!!! WIZZNUTZZ.COM EXCLUSIVE!!! Here is a photo of Ken's Krew, a Middle Eastern gang of fans for our fellow intern Ken Beatice, who cut their heads with swords during the annual ritual to mark Your Call Day in the southern town of Nabatiyeh (which is in PG County, just outside

2003-03-14T17:29:00.000-05:00

Wow more super prose from espn- Salieri-flock. this time from Chris Palmer. Itsbthoughtful, and flighty. ANd conatins the follwing magical sentence: "Inside (the locker room) Juan Dixon, Kwame Brown and Brendan Haywood had to share the same nearly empty bottle of lotion because somebody forgot to pack his." OH THE HORROR JUAN DIXON THE HORROR!!!!! I KNOW it was Haywood, cause his stoney hands

2003-03-14T17:05:00.000-05:00

David Aldridge is a shiny writing fruit. I like it when he says about Jerry Stackhouse and Salieri that: "The two circled each other like Riff and Bernardo this past week." So is so evocative, that line. Evopcative especially of Riff and Bernardo and their japes. But who are Riff and Bernardo?? Are they from a Dutch comic strip? are they characters in the Paul SImon musical "The Capeman"?? I have

2003-03-14T09:11:00.000-05:00

More Salieri slobbing, but this time from our Main Manchild of Adulthood DAVID ALDRIDGE!!! Oh, Dave! OH DAVE! SAlieri should not be celebrated for showing up. I SHOWED UP to WORK TODAY, WHERE"S my Tickertape parade? Where's my tribute column from Black Thanksgiving? Where's my whores? I SAY WHERE"S MY WHORES!@!!!! No where to be found. Darvin tried to scribe me a tribute column, but

2003-03-13T17:57:00.000-05:00

Ralph Wiley, plays the Dozens with some joe called DUB, and delivers some kind of Hiphopping Edutainment Amos n Andy Uncle Remus Sportspoem Slam, all about a trickster character called Salieri, over at page 2. There will be more said about this piece in the coming days. But one thing is for sure, espn and Ralph WIley want us too know that Ralph WIley is a very very BLACK MAN. Blacker than a

2003-03-13T17:33:00.000-05:00

A great week for the wizznutzz!! We had our second big charity event last weekend at Wheaton Plaza in Maryland. About 60 wizznutzz fanatics and fanatics of spreading good charity to the community. If you ever wondered what the poor people are all about, come out to the next wizznutzz event and contribute some money, and they will show you their secrets!! The evnt was truly great, and we had a

2003-03-13T12:26:00.000-05:00

Thats a powerful article. Of course Kwame is so aticulate and poignant, yet sad. Its watershed I would say. Sheds of water dot the landscape. Most definitely! God the last lines kill me, that trade stuff. Salieri has used his Tzarous influence to have Jordan's Steakhouse be the only retaurant in New York City where one can smoke as of next month. That means Kwame can spend the rest of his career

2003-03-12T23:28:00.000-05:00

YOU DAMN PHANTOM!!!! YOU ARE KILLING OUR KWAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Read this heartbreaking article for proof about how Phantom and His Airballness are screwing up the Wizz's future and crashing the stock prices of French dressing makers everywhere!!! Let me commentary on the highlights (THAT IS LOWLIGHTS): Collins often cites forwards Charles Oakley and Bryon Russell as examples of players who

2003-03-12T17:16:00.000-05:00

Wizards get it done! The ony thing that would have made this sweeter is if CHris Whitney had defected. Actually it would have been much sweeter if The Phantom had played a right gentlrman KwBrown more than 8 minutes. But its because Coach Collins is an emotional mule.He cant even give his own team a pep talk. Not only because he is dealing with his gay sons repressed furies, but because he has

2003-03-12T07:23:00.000-05:00

Honest Abe came out and fired up the troops before yesterday's game!!!! And the Wizz Won!!! ABE HAS A MAGIC TONGUE!! TRUST ME!!! And yesterday coach Phantom had some dental work done---at the MCI CENTER!!! How cool is that? He had his big Phantom choppers jackhammered right at the arena!!! ABE LEONSIS AND TED POLLIN HAVE TRUELY MADE MCI AN ALL-PURPOSE FACILITY!!! The Downtown D.C.

2003-03-11T10:14:00.000-05:00

Damn! DANA I havn't seen you so passionate about something since they banned Rohypnol in Delaware! I can't really disagree with you though. Heres my take: Salieri like to talk about Desire alot, he is very Desirous to be sure, and well well well, if it isnt Kwame Brown, the most DESIREABLE man and child in the known unvierse?? Problem solved! Wizznutzz special correspondent Dave Kohn of the DK

2003-03-11T07:55:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Kw.Brown!!!!!!!!!!! He turned 21 supple years old yesterday. Oooohh! MY HEAD'S GONNA EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Michael Black Thanksgiving Wilbon, the black man's Stuart Scott and the Oliver Hardy half to Tony Kombover's deformed Stan Laurel, gives SAlieri Jordan his weekly cleaning of the taint---that's the goose-pimply landing strip you guys have between the thighs; STAY WITH ME

2003-03-10T20:20:00.000-05:00

Hey Darvin. I was watching "GlobeTrekker" on PBS and the little English host said, "Austrailia is a flat country." I thought, "So that explains Nicole Kidman's bum. But how does it deal with Elle MacPherson?" Think about it. Just think about it. I'm still waiting for me Vegemite and me Colin Hay live-acoustic CD-R. BITCH! I hate SAlieri. I hate him so. He's mean and untoward and

2003-03-10T17:16:00.000-05:00

Things are getting very salty indeed at Port Sea Dog! Following another aching loss in a must play game, Salieri berated his teammates, "its time to separate the mules from the donkeys" he might well have said. Salieri said he can count on both hands, and the donkey hands are more numerous than the reliable mules hands, says Salieri. David Dupree on espn radio said today that the mules who

2003-03-08T08:41:00.000-05:00

Oh woe is Wizz. And moist is Dana. In the words of Billl Walton, "Thish ish teeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrwwwwwwiiiiiiiibbbbbbllllleeee! Thish ish an outwage!" The Wizz lost to the Bucks last night, the team they were tied with for the 8th playoff spot in the East; this was a tiebreaker game. So what does Coach Phantom do to get his team ready for this game? And I quote: ""It was a big game but I sure