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Saturday, March 08, 2003

 
Oh woe is Wizz. And moist is Dana.
In the words of Billl Walton, "Thish ish teeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrwwwwwwiiiiiiiibbbbbbllllleeee! Thish ish an outwage!"
The Wizz lost to the Bucks last night, the team they were tied with for the 8th playoff spot in the East; this was a tiebreaker game. So what does Coach Phantom do to get his team ready for this game? And I quote: ""It was a big game but I sure tried to downplay the game," Collins said. "I did not try to add any pressure to our guys in any way."

YOU PHANTOM DUMBASS NUTSACK!!!! Well, your plan worked Phanton: The Wizz slept-walk through the game, as per, sensing no urgency to the game whatsoever. Hey ho! The Phantom has got to got! Hey Ho! Yes? You want me for something?

Sister Christian had another great game: 19 points, 8 rebounds and 5 assists. On their last possessioon, with seconds remaining, he even did his patented fake-shot-that-no-one-falls-for-then-drive-a-step-and-dish to give to the Wizz a chance to win. Sis Chris tossed the ball to Boogie, but Boogie froze: "I just was thinking about too many things -- getting behind the line, the clock," Hughes said. "When I caught it I didn't feel [right]. I thought maybe one pass . . . it would be a cleaner shot. But the pass wasn't even clean to get a good look." He dumped the ball to Salieri who took an awkward last-second shot. Why didn't Boogie shoot? SALIERI. This team is so dependent on him, and cowering toward him---have you ever seen Kw.Brown get the ball and just power-up like he owns the rock? No. He just passes the ball immediately back to Jordan or Stack, or he takes two steps and loses the ball with his small hands as he tries to kick it to a corner----thar's the true Jordan Rules. No one feels comfortable with him on the team; they all feel deferential to him. No one will step it up, give 110%, take the game into their own hands, take me into their own hands, manhandle me with their own hands, and make me feel like a real woman in their own hands.

Speaking of bad touches and bad hands, look at whast Crazy Tom Knott writes in his latest jibber-jabbery Wash Times column: "...the enigmatic nature of Brendan Haywood's hands. You never know which pair of hands he is going to bring to the workplace, either the bad ones or the worse ones." What are engimatic hands? WHatever TOM! Keep smoking what you're smokin' (and don't bogart it!). Enigmatic Hands MUST mean STONE HANDS!!

Here's some more Phantom--Salieri Axis of Evil classics, all at the expense of poor Kw.BRown: "I don't think there's any question Kwame would have been more ready to play NBA basketball if he were a rookie next year, after two years of also being the star on college team," Collins said. Collins wants the minimum NBA age to be 20. THEN WHY DID YOU GENIUSES DRAFT THE MANCHILD, OTHER THAN HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND SUPPLE AND PLIANT AND PRETTY MUCH BENDABLE AND DELICTABLE IN EVERY WAY? You get what you draft. Phantom--SAlieri. Me? I'm trying to get with what you drafted, if you know what I'm sayin'. KWAME, CALL ME!!!

Here's our Main Lady Sally Jenkins taking it to Salieri! Look at this line in her column about how everybody but karla Knafel in blowing Salieri just for showing up to work with back spasms (big effin' deal): "Watching Jordan this week, it was hard not to cringe at the way everybody from head coach Doug Collins to the team doctor to this newspaper lionized him for playing with pain." RIGHT ON SAL! My back is effing killing me right now from all the pretzel shit I did last night, but look at me! I'm heere at the Wizznutzz office, typing up my game report and kicking ken in HIS sack and doing all the normal stuff I have to do because I"M PAID TO DO IT> Well, not paid, I'm an intern, but still, I WILL CONTINUE TO KICK KEN IN HIS SACK DESPITE THE PAIN!!!

Here's another line from SAlly's piece, that touches on the same thing that I harp on all the time: SAlieri's influence is awful and he merely tears down people and they cower around His Airballness and don't feel like the can contribute anythign to the team: "But I'd admire Jordan's professionalism more if he didn't constantly discuss the state of his body, and suggest that he's the only one doing any real work around MCI Center. The buried implication in the above statement is that his effort was somehow superior, and that he can't count on his teammates to do as he does."

SALIERI JORDAN IS A CANCER TO THE WIZZ, STUNTING THEIR GROWTH LIKE A 20-PACK A DAY HABIT!!! WE WILL FEEL HIS TEAM DESTROYING PRESENCE FOR YEARS TO COME!!! MARK OUR WORDS!! And do tell a friend.

Dana - 8:41 AM

 

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The Wizznutzz experts commentaries on the 2002-03 season. Updated frequently!!!