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Tuesday, March 11, 2003

 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Kw.Brown!!!!!!!!!!! He turned 21 supple years old yesterday.

Oooohh! MY HEAD'S GONNA EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael Black Thanksgiving Wilbon, the black man's Stuart Scott and the Oliver Hardy half to Tony Kombover's deformed Stan Laurel, gives SAlieri Jordan his weekly cleaning of the taint---that's the goose-pimply landing strip you guys have between the thighs; STAY WITH ME PEOPLE!!!!---in this commentary:
"The only thing wrong with Michael Jordan ripping his teammates is that he didn't do it early enough. He should have said the same thing, called out the same youngsters, but done it six weeks earlier. He should have assailed their fragile little egos and lack of passion and questionable dedication at the end of December, because everything he said was right on."

Put down your fork. Chew your mashed potatoes and turkey, Then bash your head on the PTI desk, Dr. Mr. Black Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Salieri has been beating his mules FOR MONTHS now. He's been saying "these young kids"---as opposed to these "elderly kids" (like Oak) or these "middle-aged kids" (like Salieri himself)?---and how they can't play for nothing ALL YEAR LONG. YOU NUTSACK!! YOU TAINT CLEANER!!!!

Then Black Thanksgiving gets all contemporary on our asses:
"Maybe [Jordan] should just consider playing somewhere else, where his teammates will practice with greater purpose and put down PlayStation2 or Xbox long enough to take some extra shooting..."
AN INSIDE SOURCE AT THE WASHINGTON POST TOLD ME THAT WILBON ORIGINALLY WROTE "ATARI" AND "PONG" IN THAT SENTENCE!!!!!!

mORE bLAck Thanksgiving wisdom:
"Jordan's value is in his willingness to pointedly challenge his teammates, put the fear of God into them, make them afraid to lose the next game or make the same mistakes the next night."
YEAH IT'S WORKED REALLY WELL THIS YEAR, YOU CRANBERRY EATER!!!! LOTSA A VALUE THERE, LIKE A 12-POUND FROZEN TURKEY!!!!

More:
"Jordan's not going to moonwalk away from these comments, or claim he was misquoted or taken out of context."
MOONWALK?????? MOOOOOOONNNNWALK???? LIKE I REPORTED, "ATARI" AND "PONG"!!!!! STAY WITH ME PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a comment that WE WIZZNUTZZ HAVE BEEN MAKING ALL YEAR, and it comes in Black Thanksgiving's column via Boogie, our hero fave:
"As Larry Hughes, a quiet but perceptive young man, said yesterday, "It is different and it does take time to learn how to play effectively with a player who dominates the ball."
STEALS THE BALL!!! HOARDS THE BALL!!! THEY WHO YELLS WHEN NO ONE ELSE PLAYS WELL AROUND HIM!!!! DDDDDIIIIIIICCCCKKKKK!!!!!

Then the rest of the column devolves into a wishy-washy "well, these kids might come around" ass massage and an REALISTIC (oh my) explanation as to why the Wizz suck and why Phantom's offense is HORRIBLE for Stackhouse and other things that WE WIZZNUTZZ HAVE SAID ALL YEAR, all of which are COMPLETELY off- topic of Black Thanksgiving's original theme about how Salieri should have yelled at people weeks ago. EDITORS, PEOPLE!!!! USE THEM!!!! We here at Wizzntuz use them, you'd thinkt the Washinton PSot woulD USE THEM TWOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dana - 7:55 AM

 

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The Wizznutzz experts commentaries on the 2002-03 season. Updated frequently!!!