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Tuesday, December 31, 2002

 
Dear James and Christopher-
While I might be fired for this transgression----I went to the Capzz game tonight instead of watching the Wizz on TV, though I asked Ken to take notes for me!!!!----I hope that I will have more than made up for it with this piece of photojournalism. I hereby do present to you, our mos def moist readers, the OFFICIAL BEER SALESMAN OF THE WIZZNUTZZ:
ROBO VENDOR

There's a long and vaguely sexual history between me and Robo, but we sorted it all out with suds. He's a special man, with a special family, and that's why he is forever number one in our hearts and stomachs. In fact, I remember when they sold cans of beer at games, and Robo would whip out his Mach One Robo Arm, which would slice off the can's top in one hearty motion. Poetry, friends, sheer machine-aided poetry. I asked what happened to the Mach One Robo Arm, and Robo looked up into the rafters where Wes Unseld, Elvin Hayes and Rod Strickland's jerseys hang. He took a deep breath, wiped away a tear with his lone fleshy hand, and whispered, "Moth balls..." It seems that Mach One Robo Arm is no longer needed in this age of plastic beer bottles, so Robo Vendor put the ol' girl down. But he went back into his lab, which also doubles as a massage parlor, a gun repair shop, and 15-minute oil-change joint, to create the device you see him holding in the photo: the Mach Two Robo Arm Bottle-Cap Blaster. He wields his Mach Two like a sure cocksman, and he even offered to start a "plastic bottle riot" were we to buy enough Bud from this enterprising man of many mysteries. Alas, fair Robo, we have no plastic riot; for we have something more----the riots in our hearts, where love runs wild through the streets like Jahidi in the spring, and Kw.Brown loots our aortas with every blocked shot. It's a grand land, and one that we all need to visit more often. Robo, on behalf of the Wizznutzz, we thank you for you service to mankind and the Washington sporting community. May you forever wield your bottle-top-busting talents in the venues around the Washington-Baltimore region, and sometimes in my bed. Much and frequent love, Dana Von Postgame Call-In Show Girl

Dana - 12:05 AM

 

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